Anyone been through mediation?

sammcg wrote:

then 4 hours later the mediator calls and says he has changed his mind, !

Apparently, these Mediated resolutions do not stand up until sealed at Court. So even when you've been, discussed, decided, it remains an open option as to whether your ex is ever going to accept it legally!

Surely if you need to vent then you need counselling and not mediation. I thought mediation was supossed to be sorting out the finances ?
If someone is just using mediation as a way of getting the ex in the same room so that can vent, when that ex has moved on with his live, for how long can this continue ? During mediation for assets split done years ago, NOTHING was agreed by the ex, who simply dragged the process out to delay. Ultimately when the marraige is over, get on with life and make changes to cope and finally heal. Using mediation or the legal profession to sort out emotions can be very expensive and it does not work. The financial closure does not bring emotional closure so why not just get on with it - agree settlement and find some other way to get emotional closure.

In an ideal world, yes accepting the situation and moving on is for the best.

However, when you do not have closure on an emotional level it makes it much harder to move on with your life. If you have been left, cheated on, lied to etc etc you need answers and if these are not forthcoming then its hard.

Divorce is up there with death and moving house as some of the most stressful times to go through. During separation/divorce you go through a grieving process, and this is perfectly normal. It takes time to heal and you have to accept that.

Your partners ex is going through an angry stage and like Sera said, if she needs to vent then she needs to vent. He is the one she is angry with and mediation is her opportunity.

I don't know the history of your situation, I can only speak as one who has had the dirty done on her. I am going through mediation with my cheating b****** ex2b and I know how hard it is to be civil, discussing finances with someone I want to slap but I have no choice because we have two wonderful children which means he will remain part of my life until I die!

Autumn wrote:

In an ideal world, yes accepting the situation and moving on is for the best.

However, when you do not have closure on an emotional level it makes it much harder to move on with your life. If you have been left, cheated on, lied to etc etc you need answers and if these are not forthcoming then its hard.
Your partners ex is going through an angry stage and like Sera said, if she needs to vent then she needs to vent. He is the one she is angry with and mediation is her opportunity.

You are correct in what you say but ironically in this case it was the wife that left, cheated, lied etc etc and YET she is the one unable to move on now. And her solicitor told partner solicitor that she was a ' very embittered women' . So back to the original question how long does mediation have to continue if it is simply being used as emotional therapy and not to sort out the financial isseues ?

It was made clear to my ex2b and I at the outset that if the mediator felt that no progress was being made then we would not continue.

It was made clear to my ex2b and I at the outset that if the mediator felt that no progress was being made then we would not continue.

Our family centre quoted 4-6 sessions to resolve Financial issues.

1st Session, x2b lied...

So, second session, I cam in with the paperwork to prove he's lying! After the end of just the 2nd session, we were told it's pointless, because we cannot agree on figures.

So, any Mediator should recognise if it's not working.

We were paying £150 per meeting, so it's a waste of time going if nothing gets resolved.

There is a 'structure' to these meetings. Each fulfills a promise. Each is given sheets to declare finances, and from that negotiations happen. (Our chap used a clip chart to transfer the figures on). Under columns, for his assets and my assets. He also said he would not deal with emotional issues, but did shut my x2b up, when I became tearful. The mediator stated that even for couples who come after ten years seperation, this drags up old wounds, and I had every right to be RAW!