Anyone been through mediation?

What I cannot fathom is that despite me trying to get the best financial solution in the circumstances for the two of us as individuals and for the future security of our children, she cannot see beyond one or other of us moving out.

Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. But that is the STBX to a T - Win! At all costs!

She simply doesn't seem to see or care that once the business goes and she has to stand on her own feet financially, life ain't going to be easy. Netto and Aldi will be the extent of her shopping experiences.

You can lead a horse to water, thrust it's nose in, jump up and down on it's head, but if it doesn't want to drink, it won't. Que Sera!

If she refuses to mediate... then your next option would be the sol route, or the court route.

My ex is the same, gone into denial!!! He told me his wife was dead! (Before me, he'd lost his first wife to Cancer), and so I assured him that his 'wife' - still had a pulse and a marriage certificate.

Wuck-Fits!

(Just realised my post-count has gone platinum! and he hasn't even started actual divorce proceedings!)... will my counter explode before I get my decree abso?

Interesting reading, Guys & Gals.

I'm starting on this route. I've been pushing mediation ever since we started 2 mths ago, but my wife has refused every time. Now, shortly after seeing her sol, out of the blue she tells me she'll go to mediation after all

Shame we're paying £180 and I'll have to take off a day's work per session, all for someone to sit in on us talking to each other. Wouldn't it be cheaper and easier to just pay for a babysitter & go down the pub (audience to stop verbal/physical abuse) for a talk? We could spend the money saved on the kids to go EuroDisney, LegoLand etc;.

I've prepared myself for my best shot for the kids' sake, but I'm a little wary of getting any hopes up. My wife could be cynically going through the motions so I can't claim she's refused mediation. Plus, all our differences are driven by one issue, that of the FMH, and I can't see either of us compromising no matter how nice or nasty the other is.

I'll peg anything of interest that comes up. In the mean time, good luck all.

Hi all

Went to my first mediation session with ex2b yesterday, it just felt so odd and so clinical and unreal.

Have got to fill in forms regarding finances and discuss at later date so we barely touched on those, although mediator did mention a 60/40 split regarding the house. When we got home did tell my ex2b that there was no way I am agreeing to him getting 40% but I'm not sure what I will agree to though!!

I just feel that as this is what he wanted - he handed me a fait a compli, he should give a little. I am going to have the children, I am looking into retraining and changing jobs at present my income is very low and he has good job plus pension. in 10 years when kids finish education I will have to sell the house or buy him out and I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me everything would be fine.

How will I know what a fair split of the house is??

Take care all

Autumn

Autumn, 'Fair' depends on where you stand and what your circumstances are.

I suppose for mediation 'fair' means the average/typical award that a court will make, for which we need full details.

For that, what does your sol say? Why don't you start a new thread under Finances with your details to see what people here can say?

As an afterthought, mediation is all about negotiation. Perhaps we can do better by being smarter than our ex. How about finding some advice or textbook on negotiation - I am.

Best of luck with the rest of the sessions.

On that last post, mediation at its' best is really all about finding common ground (pause while all us poor separated folks scoff at this). It is looking to create a win-win situation out of a lose-lose one. Any attempt therefore to negotiate a win-lose situation will fail.

We go into mediation with preconceived ideas of "red lines" etc that won't be crossed and, when it works, we change our minds.

Wish my wife would go for it!

Had my first session a week ago. Nice lady talked to us both first then individually and then together again. She asked me what had happened and I assume asked him the same. I got quite frustrated as x2b made a few side comments, rightly assuming that I would not say anything in front of the mediator. I just wanted to come to an agreement about finances, but she talked about what to tell the kids, 18 and 21 years old.
She got her flip chart out and wrote down what we both wanted to achieve - guess the chart comes as standard. We were given forms to fill in, and sent away to find out about all our assets and expenditures.
We both went separately - thank goodness as it turns out, because when we got home we had our first huge argument ever!
Next time I go I will be more prepared to say I just want to talk about finances, not what went wrong or the kids, I find that just too upsetting to talk to with some stranger, especially with the odd snipes thrown in for good measure.
I hope it will work this way, next meeting in two weeks.
Its still bloody expensive tho' although we are getting it free because we are not earning much money at the moment and it seems that savings don't come into the equation as they are considered part of the negotiations.
Good luck all