Anyone been through mediation?

I've got my first mediation appointment tomorrow (late notice cancellation!) but it's become clear that my wife is just going to go so that she can get the box ticked before going to court.
Anyone got any experience of how mediators deal with this?

JLGsDad,
My experience was that the mediator let both sides put forward their position and slapped down any attempt to snarl or interrupt by the other party. He then asked relevant and pertinent questions, and made suggestions to each party about possible solutions for controversial subjects. We went for 3 sessions and had some productive discussions, but my STBX simply refused to answer some questions in the last session, about where certain funds had come from, or gone. At this point I said to the mediator that I could see no further point in continuing until STBX was prepared to start being honest. It has been left open to return at a later date. Watch this space....
I think the mediator will try to draw your STBX into the discussion and if she gives up too soon, it will look bad on her later.
Good luck
Mike

Mike... I'm watching your space, because we're in the same boat. I'm not paying £75 per session to sit and listen to his lies!

However, I've speeded up the process, called the Centre, and asked for all 'next available appointments'... took list to ex, and asked him to tick which ones he can make. Have 2nd session Monday, and 3rd session the following week.

He says he's going to make the offer on 2nd Session!

So watch my space also! (Considering session one he didn't make full, honest financial disclosure, I'm sure interested to hear his offer!) He filled in all the paperwork, kept it in his laptop case, didn't produce it, and then said "You know my finances" (Erm, no actually)

I've done with the crying, I've done with the kindness, I'm going in there in full battle armour... and I will state exactly what I think the settlement ought to be... I'm not paying for months of his dilly-dallying, at my expense. It's like CUT THE CR*P TIME !!!!

Ooh, I can be so damn bossy! Shall maybe wear my thigh high black PVC Boots!

Vent over! (Will update Monday!)

S
x

Just had that first appointment.
Mediator set scene, confirmed that we were both there voluntarily & that marriage was over (at last, my wife and I agreed on something!).
Then started to discuss the main issues. At first I felt that I'd come to someone else's session as my wife's description of things was so far away from my view of reality. I even wondered if I was going mad or in a dream, and perhaps her words were true, but then reality asserted itself. I bit my tongue not to interrupt, then finally had chance to get my say. This was repeated a dozen times on different subjects.
I offered a financial summary (God, it hurts me to disclose money that I had before marriage rather than hide it away) but money's a subject for the next appointment.
Some good things for me. Mediator said that we weren't far apart on kids and that she would need independent assesment of what a fair price was for our house (for house swap + difference in value with wife's mother), something my wife had consistently refused And my wife has agreed to next appointment .
The down side? Having to wait 3 weeks for next appointment (let's get it on now!).
What have I learnt? Early days, but if you want a fair agreement, mediation is worth a go. And, although difficult, keeping quiet until your turn is a good policy.

Well done JLG's Dad!

3 weeks between sessions is quicker and cheaper than 4 months between court hearings! But it does only work if both are willing to talk.

I hope you continue with the good work!

Hi all

Just had second session of mediation. We have discussed a parenting plan so far and that has gone smoothly. Another 3 weeks to wait for next session on financial matters, that will be interesting!

It is just so weird sitting in a room with someone who I no longer know, talking about things I never ever imagined talking about.

Like you, JLGsDad I am hopeful that mediation will sort this out fairly and soon I can start to move on. Just feels like I am in limbo at the moment, still living in marital home with ex2b - please someone buy this house soon!!

Must be patient, remain positive and tell myself that in the long run this is for the best.



Take care

autumn

JLGsDad wrote:

The down side? Having to wait 3 weeks for next appointment (let's get it on now!).

That 3 weeks might be to allow time to gather the info you need? Pensions valuations etc? Bank statements etc...

We had 1st appointment, then 1 month to 2nd appointment, then I just called up and said too slow! And what appointments could we reserve. Will have just 1 week between 2nd and 3rd.

Bring it on! Indeedy!