Anyone been through mediation?

just been to my first meeting with x2b, she put on the water works to try and get the mediator on her side but didn't seem to work so then she started to tell lies about me but was told we were not there to portion blame for the marriage breakdown. We then talked about her contact with our son, she was not happy because she had to give up her demands and agree to go with the terms our son set out, then we got the forms for the financial part and told next appointment 10 jan. She also made point that she had made mistake walking out to live with new bloke and could we make up, she got upset when i said not a chance.

Your X2B seems to have got muddled up with counselors and mediators.

Mediators are there to help you sort out your financial settlement, not the relationship.

The first thing our mediator asked was were we both certain the marriage was over, cos if it wasn't mediation would not have continued.

Got my 3rd appointment tomorrow. Got a proposal to discuss that involves my wife getting the house on a mortgage of £225k.

The fun bit is that she's been saying for so long that she can't possibly work a lot whilst looking after kids, wants interesting work etc; max of 17k so that she just has to have most of assets (including those I brought into marriage). Now she's saying she'll have no problem earning 35k so that £225k mortgage is achievable . More about turns than Trooping the Colour.

Failing this proposal, we're left with selling big house to fund 2 smaller family homes. Wife will not like that at all, so should be interesting to see if mediation can break unreasonable demands.

Trying my best but still expect wife to drag us all through the courts. Less War of the Roses, more War of Independence with a very different special relationship or, for those who know their military history, Verdun without 1918.

Sounds like your XTB has realised the possibe financial implicaions to her moving out. A starting point for the courts is 50/50 - and by moving out she has effectively solved her housing needs by living with new b/f! Courts will usually reduce her porton of joint assets if her housing needs are met!

Call me dumb JLG but how is she going to manage a mortgage of 225k on a salary of 35k??

Even if she did not eat for a year I cant see how she could afford it. I think you are right she is living in financial cloud cuckoo land and the sooner she realises she needs a smaller place the better.

during meeting today x2b was moaning that i have more money then her and its not fair so i suggested she gets a full time job instead of just doing 10 hours a week as i am full time and looking after our son, i all so suggested her new partner should get out to work instead of spending alday in the pub, her answer was their can't because their will lose their housing benefit and i should spend less on our son and give them some so she can spend money on our son, seems she wants me to finance her life with new bloke, made me laugh if nothing else.

think shes in for a shock because shes listening to idiots and thinks she will get loads from me, as she put it the system hates men and looks after the woman, she forgets she not looking after our son i am and shes not homeless or incapable of working plus shes cohabiting.

SpecialDad, the answer is she is going to let 2 rooms in the house to specially-selected people that she knows (!?).

To me this is cloud-cuckoo land. She has to let 2 rooms to pay the mortgage needed to keep a 5-bed rather than buy a 3-bed house, thus ending up with 3 rooms, unwanted guests and money worries - a great deal eh! She wants to put me through psychiatric examination, CAFCASS etc before I can see the kids for less time than now as divorced fathers sometimes hurt their children, yet invite non-relatives into the house when they are more likely to hurt the children. Why saddle yourself with a large house and large mortgage when you can have a good house mortgage-free? Her circle of friends are all school mums, so where is this stream of vetted people coming from?

After the recent credit problems, there is no way she will get a mortgage for £225k on £35k p.a. with no past accounts. Either she has a secret source (friend, mother, lover, who knows?) or she's on a parrallel universe where reality can be swept away by a few chosen lies (to me, to solicitor, to mediator so far, so mortgage adviser shouldn't be difficult).