Anyone been through mediation?

Hi Maggie,
They obviously have some formal training and a wealth of experience and have a feel for what is likely to be accepted. They put both paties financial details into a draft Financial Information document for each party to take to their respective solicitors...once approved in theory - it is then re-drafted with any minor alterations into a Memorandum of Understanding which forms the basis of the financial settlement put before the court. Its a non confrontational way of reaching an agreement..and as such both parties need to be receptive to a little give and take..if there are any major disputes between the parties then it won't work - they don't do umpiring to that degree!

Hey maggie

You dont need a sol to reach an agreement on anything. It is just a question of give and take as gilly says.

I never took anything too seriously at mediation as I had no intention of upsetting anyone, so the ex was generous on her part as well and even the mediator was smiling in the end.

So leave all ego, pride, anger, bitterness and resentment at the door and stay factual.

Put it this way, is being confrontational in a divorce worth it!! Not if you want to lose everything and end up with only your underpants it isnt!!

Just got caught with something for all to be wary of.

At end of last session, mediator gave us the impression that she would now do her summary and we would be billed in due course. We have just got note saying we need to pay first!
Had we known, we could have paid on the day.
A week and a half wasted.....

A second one. Be wary of ceding anything else afterwards in a spirit of co-operation. I've done that and got nothing but grief in return.

Hi Specialdad

My X2B has been refusing mediation till now - she will now accept the initial 1 to 1 individual session.
I had my first one yesterday and it all sounds good. But I have a concern that my X2B will dig her heels in on the one thing that will hurt me the most - access to the children. They are 11 and 16.
Any knowledge of the types of settlements reached for a fathers contact with the children? My solicitior has already told me it is highly unlikely that I can get custody of the children to live with me.

Any advice on mediation would be much appreciated.

Sit down alone the evening before the first joint session.

Write down what child contact and financial terms you are aiming for.

Listen to everything and be open minded and fair.

At 11 and 16 your children will have their own opinions on where they want to spend their free time.

My Consent Order has the phrase "will be mutually agreed" written on it ten times at least on various pages.

You can be as detailed or as vague as you like in the agreement.

Thanks, I have an idea of what I want but will write i down to detail my thoughts.

My problem is that I know my X2B will not compromise, and is currently doing a great job with my 11 year old who now is retreating big style away from me.

I have a view that going throug CAFCASS would be better as they are trained to see behind the manipulation of any children. But this would be more expensive and involve the courts.

I don't know what to do for the best and ensure I keep an active involvement in my children's future. I am adamant I am not going to become just a weekend dad or babysitter when required.

Any advice will be greatfully accepted.

Getting desparate, but hanging on in there:S

Courts are best avoided (if at all possible) because litigation usually causes resentment and resistence, and this can easily lead to the cycle of provocation and retaliation which is legendary for it's negative effect on the emotions and behaviour of children.

Experience shows divorcing couples are more satisfied with arrangements they have agreed and are more likely to stick to them. When children 'retreat' usually it's to do with the dynamics within the family and both parents and children are implicated. In these circumstances it could be better to spend money on family therapy. See;-

www.aft.org.uk/home/familytherapy.asp