Anyone been through mediation?

i've got my first meeting on the 27, my stbx is getting legal aid because she will only work part time till its al sorted and her new bloke will not work at all. I'm having to pay £80 per session and have been told it will be 5 sessions.
Wondering if any one can give me any advice, i'm still in family home with our son who lives with me and does not have any overnights with is mum but has days out when she can be bothered. She says she can not afford cm so i was wondering if i asked her to consider a lump sum taken off the amount of her settlement figure if this would be accepted by the mediator and the courts when we go for Consent Order or would their say no she must get full amount and pay cm. Also what sort of percentage could she expect considering i'm bring up our son, theres no reason she could not work full time, she is housed and cohabiting with her new bloke and will get a load of back pay in febuary.

thanks in advance
markp

Hi markp

The thing with mediation is that you come to a 'fair' agreement together with your ex2b, the mediator is only there to guide you.

I am almost finished with mediation and have found it mostly fair, though it has been very difficult at times listening to ex2b coming out with such crap.

If you can both be reasonable and fair it will work, it is good to have an impartial person present helping you to come to an agreement.

Is your ex2b likely to be reasonable?

Good luck

Autumn

hi Autumn
thanks for your reply, as for my x2b been reasonable, i'm not sure as she keeps telling lies and getting her solicitor to send me nasty letters and she keeps saying she is entitled to more then 50% as she the woman and it always goes in favour of the woman. I think her new partner is filling her head with rubbish as she says he trained as a solicitor one minute and then a construction worker the next, she stated that if i didn't give her what she wants then she will just go to court and get it as it will not cost her anything since shes on legal aid. when i tried to tell her she will have to pay the legal aid back she said i was lying as her solicitor has told her it is totally free and will not have to be paid back.

Markp

What she says and what the truth is may be totally different things.
At the end of it all, mediation is a negotiation and to many lying is not lying, it is just part of the game.

My wife lies constantly inside & outside mediation over what sols have said. She lies to her sol (she inadvertently left a letter out that I thought was for me) and to see her outside you'd think butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. I thought at first it was all playing a game, but then I realised she believes a lot of the lies she told.

You know where you stand. It's unbearable at times to be held back from moving on, but you need to have faith in yourself and play a long game

Does anyone know how long it takes the mediator to send the memorandum of understanding to be sent to the two parties once the mediation has ended?

The mediator mentioned something about the memorandum being checked by legal ppl before it being sent to us.

markp wrote:

hi Autumn
thanks for your reply, as for my x2b been reasonable, i'm not sure as she keeps telling lies and getting her solicitor to send me nasty letters and she keeps saying she is entitled to more then 50% as she the woman and it always goes in favour of the woman. I think her new partner is filling her head with rubbish as she says he trained as a solicitor one minute and then a construction worker the next, she stated that if i didn't give her what she wants then she will just go to court and get it as it will not cost her anything since shes on legal aid. when i tried to tell her she will have to pay the legal aid back she said i was lying as her solicitor has told her it is totally free and will not have to be paid back.

Markp

Your X thinks she will get more just cos she is a woman? and you have the child living with you? I think she is mistaken. I left the children with my husband because I have moved away, we agreed on 45/55 split, with me getting 45. I wanted 50/50 he wanted 40/60 so we split the difference.

Maybe the fact that if it goes to court it will take a lot longer, might encourage her to work harder at mediation?

Good luck.

Specialdad wrote:

Does anyone know how long it takes the mediator to send the memorandum of understanding to be sent to the two parties once the mediation has ended?

The mediator mentioned something about the memorandum being checked by legal ppl before it being sent to us.

Our mediator sent the memorandum of understanding within a couple of weeks.

Surely your own solicitor can check it?