lost

Amongst my many feelings that I have had for the 5 days since my wife left myself and our 3 boys for another man, has been the fact that I have lost my best friend of 18 years. I am poor at maintaining friendships in general, and she has been a constant for half my life.
I cant help wonder how I''ll trust again, be vulnerable with someone again. One act has cost me and my family so much. I know it is early days for my feelings but it really feels like the end for me.
So many hurt feelings and fears, but the sense of betrayal on so many levels is all consuming.

((((confused2013))))

A big hug and welcome to you, to this place where none of us want to be, but are glad we are as here you will find so much support and help.

It is very early days for you and I like everyone else on here know exactly how you are feeling. Shocked, hurt, confused, vulnerable hardly scratches the surface.

Take a deep breath. Please don''t try to understand and rationalize all this straight away, it''s just too much at the moment. Look after yourself, eat, sleep, breathe.

Keep posting, we''re all here for you.

xxx

Hi confused2013,

Its very early days and totally normal/understandable to feel as you are feeling. Loss of a partner is often compared to a bereavement and the stages of grief follow the same pattern.

Try to be kind to yourself and take things hour by hour. I know its not easy but, conserve your energy and don''t exhaust yourself worrying about the future.

When my ex of over 30yrs walked out on me for another woman I went into full shut down mode, stopped eating or functioning on any level except feeding the animals. I actually don''t remember much except the over whelming pain of a broken heart, it was a physical pain and on many levels I would have coped better with his death.

That must sound an awful thing to say but for me, if he had died, I could have kept my memories and believed he loved me.

The world that is divorce is a difficult pill to swallow, needs time and lots of glasses of water but, eventually the pill does go down.

Its been a long time for me, there is occasionally sadness for what we lost but, he is no longer the man I married.What I have got is a wonderful daughter, amazing animals and close friends. What you need right now is to lean on those that you love and trust, family and friends.

Maybe one day you will find love again but remember "being lonely is not the same as being alone". I live alone, well with some crazy animals but, I am not lonely, far from it.

My daughter lives a couple of hours away now, we talk most days, see each other often and have a special relationship. Sadly my parents died some years ago so she is my only relative.

I am involved with wildlife rescue and in a previous post wrote about finding myself again through it. The thing is, we all need to go at our own pace, we all get there in the end though.

Sending you a virtual mumsy hug.
Stay strong.

NWTT.

Hi confused. This hurts right? And nothing that you have ever done before will prepare you for what has happened.

But what to do? For now, not a lot. The dust has to settle and you have to settle into the new normal. So what I suggest you do is this.

Eat
Drink (not alcohol)
Sleep

If you work then go to work. Try and make your normal day (this new normal) as usual as possible. Lots of things will happen between now and when you walk out in the sunshine again. Perhaps a year. Perhaps 2 years will pass before that date. But you have to be able to function at a level that will keep your body going. So that is good food and drink fluids and lastly, try and sleep.

No contact. That means no contact at all. This will be V hard. But you have to let her be now. And the more you contact her the more it will hurt. So you have to cut her dead. She wont like this of course. But thats tough. Many will tell you the same.

Bit more on the no contact. Things that are hard are best done bit at a time. So promise yourself that you wont contact her for 10 minutes. Then extend it another 10 and so on. Then you can make it an hour. Then 2. Then 4. Pretty soon you have a day under your belt. Keep extending it. Hour by hour.

It will be tough. No question about it. You will learn a lot about others and yourself. No bad thing in that. And you will come out of this better and stronger. And lastly, a man hug (((HUG))). C.

Yeah , wife wanted a bit off head space ?, so we paid for a cottage for a couple of months so that could happen ,i bigged it up with work mates saying it was all healthy and it"s what we both wanted she went ,now i am on the floor she is saying we have split up and enjoying life.

(((Confused)))

Glad that you have found wiki,but also sorry that you had too.
Here you will find the emotional and legal support that you will need,and this is mostly by people who have walked in the steps,you are about to take...........
You said you struggle maintaining friendships,well there are lots of folk like that,but throughout this process you will lots about yourself,you learn so much,so maybe that will not be so difficult in the future.Regarding trusting again,I really do not know on that one...I know I can never give another MY WHOLE again,which is sad,but unfortunatly that is how it is,self preservation!!!

Like yourself I thought I lost my best friend???
But they were not our best friend,you do not treat that person,with the deceit they dished out to us.Best friends are to be cherished not abused!!!!

It is still so very early days for you.
All your thoughts and feelings are jumbled up,as well as appearing strong for the kids.Just take each day as it comes,don''t think too far into the future,deal with the here and now,and Baby steps at all times...

As Marshy said,this is going to hurt,
A hurt that you never think you will endure,but endure it you will,there will be tears,there will be hatred and there will be a sense of loss,but you have to through these emotions to come through to the other side.
Who knows what you will learn about yourself on this journey,I know that I have,but just let this journey take as long as it needs,your not working to anybodys timetable, only your own !!!

Just take care of yourself,
Stay strong and positive
Remember we are all here for you

Luv and cwtchs

Afon Xxx........................

There are some truly inspirational and reassuring people on this site. I feel blessed to have found it. I was feeling so very alone, even surrounded by family. So many people who feel the same and survive, it gives me hope, even at this really dark time.

Thank you so much everyone.