lost

confused2013 wrote:

I was feeling so very alone, even surrounded by family. So many people who feel the same and survive, it gives me hope, even at this really dark time.

Your never truly alone. Even when you think you are. People doing what you are doing right this second. Somewhere..

We have done what you are about to do. All the mistakes we made. If you think about it. We suffered so you dont have to. This is a sort of club. We are a special club. We are the ones that have done it. The ones that have not done it wont understand. Like the ones that do skydiving. If you have done skydiving, you will know what its like. So dont be surprised if the ones that have not done it, get bored with you quickly. We wont get bored at all.

So we will guide you. Stop you doing the things that will be bad for you. But you have to listen. This is the key. If we say "dont contact her" we say it for a reason. But we also understand you. Cos we been there and we know its hard to do some of the things we ask you todo. So dont think that you have **failed** cos you cant do what we ask. But try. Thats all you need todo. But eventually, you will get the strength to do these things that you need todo. And that strength that you need. Will come from you. When you think you cannot go on. You will find that you can. Little steps. Baby steps.


Just want to say something about separation and divorce. Many think its failure. You have failed somehow. Your not a good husband. You lost your wife to another. Thats a crock mate. Separation and divorce is not failure. Its just the ending of something. This is what life is. Things start and things end. You were born. This was your start. And when you die, you will end. But during that time that you exist, as I said, many things will start and end. Its the way life is. I call it change. Change happens. And its happening to you. And her leaving is change. Nothing more.

I want to let you into a little secret. Dont tell anyone. But how you deal with change has a bearing on how well you progress thru life. If you embrace change and roll with it. You will have a better life. If you fight change, guess what? Yep. So bear this in mind.

Lastly.. Your not a lesser man. You didnt do this to her. She did it all by herself. She is not worthy of you. And in time, you will realise this. C.

Sending you a big hug.
I feel your pain as do most people on here. As others have said, it does get better, it takes time and a lot of heartache but you will get there.
Stay strong. Look after yourself and your children. Don''t make any plans or life changing decisions just yet. Let the dust settle.
You always have friends on here
x

Thank you guys, I am trying, the contact is hard, so many things piss me off. Like when she says she cant come see the kids, but I can hear the new blokes grandkids in the back ground. Or when I try to talk about money, we still have a joint account, all she is concerned about is getting a hair cut.
Who is this women, where has my wife and best friend gone?

Sadly this is usually the case..You will soon learn that the woman you loved as disappeared and been replaced by someone totally alien to you. i wish I could tell you why or how but I still don''t have the answer to that.Try to concentrate on you and the kids, let her worry about her self. A word of warning, try to sort your finances out in my instance the stbx took money from the joint account which disappeared, also made two other joint accounts over drawn..
I still find it hard to believe that the person i loved for 23 yrs turned into the man he is now. I still grieve for the man I married but I do not like the man he has become..

confused2013 wrote:

Who is this women, where has my wife and best friend gone?

Gone mate. For good it seems. I know this is tough. But you gota try and not contact her.

She has had a lot of time to plan this as I have said before. So she will be streets ahead of you.

I would do as GSN said regarding the kids.

Just want to add one thing though. You may be thinking about telling the kids what a *itch their mother is. Dont do it. You have to play a different game with them. Do this and it will come back at you. I am only saying this to warn you. I suspect that your not angry enough to do this yet. But the anger will come. Believe me. And you will want to tell them the truth. Again, dont do it. C.

I must confess, for all the good logic it sounds, the contact thing is impossible. I need to speak to her about the boys, she''ll then say something unbelievably selfish and I''ll react. She treats the kids like something to fit in with her new life and man. It makes me sick. I have the kids, as far as I am concerned my life is on hold for 7 years till they are all adults. I can live with this, they are my world, she cant give them a couple of hours a week. It does not make sense... I am rambling, sorry. I do not ***** her off however, and when they refuse to speak to her on the phone, I get them to say something at least... They are forming their own opinions, especially the eldest. Thank you everyone, I am turning from a pathetic victim to a motivated, rather pissed off individual... I assume this is normal??

thanks everyone feels like i am sitting in a room full of friends,not only that your not looking at me as though i have gone mad and should get a grip ,cheers