Why do I need him to understand

hi ccb76,

thanks for your post and kind words. Yes I think I am ok, it makes him sound heartless, well I suppose he is now but thats the problem - if you no longer share any space in someones heart, you are going to be that. A lot of us would show more tact perhaps, its a kind of tough love without the love - face facts and get on. At least I have some closure on the I wish he knew debate...he knows my feelings thoughts etc and has in some way answered some unanswered questions in his frank responce. I dont like this different person he has become. The one I fell in love with the complete opposite and we had seven wonderful years together, the last year being where problems started he says.. my realisation of the situation being problems in the last 8 months, from his actions! - clearly he as 4 months up on me on the 'problems' front so here's to hoping that in four months time I feel the same way towards him see I can put some humour in... cant be all bad. It actually seems to have put us on better footing communication wise which is good when you are sorting out divorce etc and I hate bad feeling despite his actions. I can now see him for what he has become not how he was. I cannot get over the original person he was quite so easy, I suppose Ive got to somehow morn that loss which takes an undefined period of time. I hope I will get there as do I hope all the lovely people here do too.

Thanks once again ccb76 and if there is anything you want to sound off about, I'll try and be of help like you lovely message of support as been to me. TQ

Hi wasoangel
So many views posted but I think the bottom line is that many of us will not know that our ex has realised what they did to us. Mine (after over 30 years married) said 'get over it and move on'. Cold and calculating.

Will he ever repent? who knows. I will get over it and move on but I can't help but wish ill on the woman who is the same age as out daughter who helped him to 'move out and on'. She is a member of my extended family so knew he was married and is the same age as out daughter But it takes two to tango.

One day I hope that I will not wish ill as I think that it does me more harm than them.

Don't wait for him to realise - you will ptobably never know.
Good luck
Tricia

Hi Tricia079

Mine too (after 27 years together, 21 married) told me after just 5 days to 'get on with my life'. He just walked away from me (4 months ago) and his sons for a younger woman. He wants to meet me and talk to me, however I feel at the moment that I never want to see him again - I have refused to see him since he walked out the door. Nothing he can say to me will ever make up for what he has done. He has told me via text that I was the best wife and mother in the whole world - be real - if he really thought that he would still be here.

I don't want to listen to his crap. I don't need him to know how I feel (the pain is endless). I do wish him and his new woman ill and I think I always will. I don't want to listen to his excuses for what he done - there is no excuse for the lies and the cheating and causing the people you are supposed to love so much pain. Why do some of us 'need them to understand' - what difference will it make. I can honestly say 'hand on heart' I was a loyal loving wife for 27 years and he just walked away without a backward glance. He must know the pain he has caused and must know that I didn't deserve any of this. I do not heed him to understand how I feel because it will not make any difference - it will not make me heal quicker and it will not make this bitter hatred that I feel for him and her go away.

I have my sons, my family and my friends - they understand how I feel and they are there for me. I do not need him any more. (My god did I just say that).

Karen

it will not make me heal quicker and it will not make this bitter hatred that I feel for him and her go away.

Hi Karen I started this post asking myself questions to which I have no answers. I don’t know why I need him to understand what he has done. I suppose I want him to show remorse for how he has made me feel and the devastation he has caused in my life. I do know that feeling bitter and hating will only destroy you. I want to sort through all the feelings and come to terms with my situation. I do not wish ill on my x2b and I do not wish him unhappy with his new life. I do not want to become bitter as it will only harm me.

My life will go on and so will your but hatred is not the way.


Jude x

Hi Jude - my stbx has shown remorse for what he has done - he has said sorry and that it was all his fault on numerous occasions. This does not make me feel any better. We all deal with things in our own way and I have been through the stage of crying my heart out and wishing he would come back. I am now going through the hatred and bitter stage and thats how I am dealing with it at the moment. Who knows what 2 moro will bring. My life too will go on but I am only being honest in how I feel at the moment and why should I wish my stbx and "her" to be happy when they have caused so much unhappiness? Maybe in time I will feel differently but today this is how I feel.

Karen x

But again Jude we may never make sense of breakups. One thing i will learn though is being clear what i want and voicing my worries and concerns. But that is the future. For now we all just need to be stronger and accept we are who we are and stop attaching blame especially to ourselves.

such words of wisdom
Thanks
Tricia

Jude

May I share this with you?

My ex did, at the very end, did see what he had done to me. He did say sorry for what he had done to me.

But he also said that many of the things that he had done meant nothing to him. This was incredibly (and unusually) open & honest of him.

It made me see that he could never show that gut-wrenching-heart-felt remorse that I was looking for. And without that, it made me at last truly understand that he could not change.

It allowed me to begin to move on. But I do still have wobbles, think that goes with the territory.

Best of luck my dear.

Em. x