Can anyone else relate to this?

I found this extract on another forum relating to mid-life crisis and wondered how many of you whose husbands have cheated can relate to this? I could have written this myself!!


"They lie because they are confused. They are doing things that even they don't understand. They know deep in the core that they are wrong to cheat - but right now they feel so awful about everything in their life that the affair is the only thing that makes them feel "special". They can't be around you because it evokes feelings of guilt and dispair (what the f**k have I done with my life). Think of them like teenage boys....impulse control has left their existance.

They are lying to you and to themselves. They are like the guy who has robbed the bank and is surrounded by cops....at this point they can't figure out how to get out of this situation,They are afraid to really commit to OW...because lets face it - what kind of woman dates a married man, and how on earth will he ever be able to really feel good about their relationship? It is a doomed relationship and he knows that on some level. He goes to her -because she is an escape from the mess he has made....because she is the one person in his world who is trying to believe, like he does that this is somehow ok...but as time wears on...even she will cease to bring him comfort and escape - esp as she starts making demands.

What he really wants to to have it all have not happened. He gives you mixed messages because he wants on some level to come back. What keeps him away is the knowledge that coming back means lots of emotional upheaval. He will have to atone for his sins, you will "punish" him, society will "punish" him....coming back means no escape from his mistakes...coming back means having to face your pain and face that he did this.

So he is in between a rock and a hard place, can't go forward, can't go back,and he is waiting for someone to make the decision for him...On some level he would be relieved if you would cut all the ties...you would be solving his problem for him....making his decision."


Linda

YES - a totally accurate analysis! This seems to describe what is going on in my husband’s head – there is so much lying and he is believing his lies. All along he has said ‘I have done nothing wrong’ ‘you were ignoring me’ ‘I am confused’ – the other woman eventually phoned me on my request – she said she has done nothing wrong. The evidence (mobile bills and texts) and what little they have admitted says otherwise.
Statistics say that relationships started as an affair very rarely succeed. This gives me some comfort. He does not respect her and she can never trust him. I will never understand how someone is attracted to a married man (in my case with a pregnant wife – me), personally if I find out a man has a girlfriend I am immediately turned off. I find it repulsive.
Also remember this also applies to all the cheating wives TOO!

linda.c wrote:

What he really wants to to have it all have not happened. He gives you mixed messages because he wants on some level to come back.

True. So true. All of it.

Yes, I could not agree more that that is what I think goes on with them. But they are the only ones who could confirm
it. Do you think they could ever be honest with themselves they and admit that this is how it is?
Petrof

linda.c wrote:

Think of them like teenage boys....impulse control has left their existance.

I have a teenage son; I don't expect to parent my spouse! But I get that.

So Linda; Million dollar question: Would you have him back when he comes back?

So painfully true, and yes it applies to cheating wives too. I see the immense guilt and internal conflict within my own stbx/wife/witch when we talk

Steve

Petrof wrote

Do you think they could ever be honest with themselves they and admit that this is how it is?

I think that is the main problem they are not being honest with themselves. The immense guilt befuddles the mind!