Feeling really lonely today

What are AD's??? I don't know your story but recognise the 'sham of marriage', Lies and cheated for most of marriage. Been through same and it is cr*p , good days bad days, my boys are 4 and 6 and have been fighting to get my husband to leave the house now for weeks and he has finally agreed, instead of feeling overwhelming relief i too feel aprehensive and i think it's fear of the next stage and now that we have got a little of what we wanted , we're happy but scared ans sad cos we're having to endure this cr*p just because our dear little hubbies couldn't cope with married life. The future is scary but i hold onto the thought of being a future 'happy' single mum instead of a miserable wife! Helpful?

Hi Souzee

You could be writing my thoughts down there, particularly "I couldn't go back to my old life and the lies and abuse, but I don't want this". I think that sums things up really. Unfortunately there is no magic wand, and no quick fix for this. Where emotions are concerned, there isn't even any way of controling or anticipating how you will feel or react to things that may happen.

But by having the petition signed you are now a huge step away from all the pain and the lies, and one huge step nearer to your future and the time when the pain will not be so overwhelming. You are moving away from the cause of it all and moving towards the effect - a new life for you, and a new, stronger you

In the meantime Souz, you know all of your wiki friends are behind you and are wishing you well

Sun
x

Another one here who can identify with the not wanting the life of lies and deceipt, but not wanting this pain. I can sometimes only get through the weekends by hanging on to the hope that the future has to be brighter.
I have had some really miserable weekends since we split in Feb. Tonight I went out for the 1st time, and had a wonderful time. My friend was playing 'spot the worst potential mate' for me, but to be honest, I think I already married him!!!
Stay strong linda, it won't always be like this

Thanks sun, I try to look forward to the future, but I always had the future planned with x2b. For me he was the one! ouch huh?

It's hard to go out as all my friends are married and I think I make some of them uncomfortable, from the outside we had a good marriage!!

I am another one who doesn't want to go back to the lies and the terrible tortures that went with it. However, I think i can explain the roller-coaster and maybe it will help you deal with it more quickly. I will put it from my own perspective but perhaps you will identify with it.

There is a part of me that HASN'T accepted the situation no matter how much my logical side pretends that it has. Sometimes I have a faint hope that maybe there is a way to make it all alright again. Then my ex will do something that wipes out that hope and I go back to square one again. Sound familiar?

The key to this thing really is acceptance. It is only when all hope of reconciliation is gone that all the pain will start to heal. The thing is though that each time my hopes are dashed, it is not as bad as the time before. So I know I am recovering. I wish it was faster but I can't force time to go by quicker and only time seems to work.

We will all get there in time. Just try to be patient!


Andy

Thanks Buxton, My trouble is that there never has been any hope of reconcilliation. I had hoped in the first few days that it would blow over but his behaviour made sure that it would never be possible to return.

I don't know if he will ever regret what he has done, shattered 4 peoples lives, mine the children and one day he may realise his own.

He has posted on here saying he doesn't regret what he has done, perhaps not the leaving but the way he did it was very traumatic for me and for two young chilren horrendous.

I am trying to rebuild my life it certainly couldn't be worse than before, it's just not the one I wanted. But I will make it work I will take care of my children to the best of my ability. I will ensure that they grow up well rounded and I will instill in them a love for their father if possible. I cannot make them respect him. He has lost their respect by his behaviour and they have to feel how they want about him. But I never have and never will say a bad word about him to them or in front of them. At times it is hard but he is their father although they deserve better.

I will try to maintain a friendship with him for their sakes but itwill cut me each time. I will love him forever, even at the worst times I have never lost my love for him. I know he is mean and nasty and I am better off without him. But hey you can't chose who you love.

Thankyou all for your words of support and ideas to help.

Hey Souzee

Hope today finds you a bit brighter. I noticed in one of your ealier posts that you planning to meet up with your xtb. Discuss money that's fine but I just wanted to share my experiences of trying to discuss truth with someone who has done nothing but lie and lie. Quite simply- CANT BE DONE.

Like Bux there's a part of me that still cannot accept what has happened and the degree of his deceit. However, I can rely on him 100% to reming me again what a sad excuse for a man he actualy is.

I see what you're saying but I now feel that actually I can choose who I love. I say this because I stayed in a marriage with someone who totally betrayed me because I fooled myself I had no chioce about love.


I'm glad you mentioned respect because I think sometimes we can get so wrapped up in the love bit and not even look at other aspects of a person.

I do not have a single shred of respect for my xtb. The devastation of his actions have been massive. But he runs off to the ow whenever things get tough and is a complete coward. Therefore, at weekends when I can feel the thought train starting 'but you still love him' , I shout very loudly- but can you love something you don't respect-well i guess we each have our own answer about that.

Hope you're meet goes well-strong and dignified girl

MirfieldB)