Feeling really lonely today

I agree with mirfield, you can choose who you love but it just takes time to get over lost love. Hope your meeting goes ok today with stbex. Once a liar always a liar, please don't expect too much, if you do you'l come away being disappointed and that's an awful feeling.
good luck

tired and emotional

do you really believe that 'once a liar always a liar'. My husband has never given me any reason to doubt him in seventeen years and now this year when he started his affair the lies that came out of his mouth were unbelievable. He has admitted the affair and says its over and he doesn't deserve to be forgiven for the pain he has caused our family. However he is still working abroad where he met this woman and my mind goes into overdrive constantly even though he is in his way trying to 'prove' it is over with her and he made a mistake. He also has said that it was about 'him' and not 'me or her' - he was trying to numb the pain he is feeling from what I believe to be a huge 'midlife crisis'. I think what I am asking is would I ever ever be able to trust him again? I do still love him but don't want to live my life questioning everything between us.

i do beleive once a liar always a liar, it takes a perticular type of person who thinks they can deviate from the truth and think they would get away with it, usually an arrogant type. However it takes a particular type of person then, who can put that aside and give them a chance by way of forgiveness. my experiences were lies for most of our marriage, 'socalled' confession, given a chance, more lies and even more lies, pathological liar i now think and a man I cannot let my guard down with. I will not destine myself to looking over my shoulder for the rest of our lives wondering what is he who doing now and who with? Have looked into whole aspect of behaviour change and he either couldnt or more likely wouldnt do it. Leopards and spots!!!
Similar to you he now wants a full reconciliation and I take my hat off to you that you are considering this whilst he is living abroad!! Takes a lot of determination to stick to my right decision of divorce at the mo, but am a realist and i still love him (in a strange , bitchy way) and cannot wait to live my life without worrying what the liar might do next.

I admire your strength so much - I have felt this way at times but maybe the weaker side of me wants to believe that he has made a mistake and we can put this behind us eventually if we both want to. He is still abroad because his contract lasts until the end of the year and to be honest as hard as it is it is giving me time to think and feel and come to terms with whatever I decide to do. Part of me feels this is 'living in limbo' but part of me feels I need time to adjust to this horrible situation that I never dreamed I would be in. I also need to help my children come to terms with things. I am sorry you have been treated this way and you know you deserve better than living a constant lie. I guess the only person who can decide if I can trust him again is me but it is so hard - can't quite let go but can't imagine questioning our whole relationship constantly if we did stay together. I took for granted the trust we had between eachother and never thought he would do this - like many on this site I guess.

Stay strong

HUGS

x

I'm not so sure about that. I think it is possible someone can make one mistake. However, I would want a LOT of reassurance to believe this. In your case, he is aboad so it is difficult. Do you have his landline number? I would insist on being able to call that any time of night and day for a few months. If he is not there late, then the red flags would be flying!

Andy

Ps I was unable to get this reassurance from my ex because the lies were continuing and I kept catching her out.

buxtonman

He only has a landline number at work! He has told me to call him anytime on his mobile at any time and to be fair when he has I have reached him immediately but the doubts are obviously still there. He has been brutally honest about what happened and why it happened eventually (lied for several weeks) - that hurt! He rings me all the time telling me what he is doing but I guess what I am trying to say is I don't want to live my life like that - I want to be able to just accept what I'm told and I know I can't.

It is a million times harder with his being away because basically I will never know will I?

Thanks


Linda

X

Hi Linda

Not having a land-line seems odd. And it's a pity.

It's the suspicion and loss of trust that can eventually destroy the marriage. Ideally, he should come home. Is that possible?

Andy