Feeling really lonely today

Hi Andy and M

Thank you for your kind words - I do truly believe he is sorry but he won't come back until the end of the year because in his words ' he has to provide for his family'. I know people will think this is just a line he is spinning but for him it is so tied up with his self-esteem and self-worth as a husband and father to provide financially. Yes he is being an ARSE and I know that and he accepts that he made a big mistake but I am in agony every day because not only do I miss him I wonder whether he is really doing what he tells me he is. He has given me as much 'proof' that he can that it is over but I wonder whether its because I want to believe or because it is true. He is scared that I will never trust him again and that as he says 'he can't forgive himself how can I forgive him?'. I feel such a lousy mother my eldest son, 16 is in Sweden on a football tournament and text me to keep me up to date with his scores and tell me how much he loves me and my youngest son who is 11 has played out all day while I have cried and spent the day on the computer - I feel like a louse!.

Sorry!


Linda

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oh Linda

Its hard to see someone struggling like this and I'm so sorry that you're going through this -it really is S***.
Bux is spot on you are not responsible for his affair. What I've noticed in your posts is how hard you are on yourself. No one is here to judge you Linda we're all different. I've decided not to be with my husband cos i know him and I cant live with the systematic deceit. If you decide to do different thats ok aswell no one is wrong or right we're just different.

What I would say is that when i first found about the affiar I was prepared to forgive because I feared being alone. I soon realised what a terrible mistake that would be and started the divorce.

Look truely in your heart of hearts and you'll find the answer.

Luv Mirfield:)

Please don't, give yourself a break!!!!!
Your trying to sort out big stuff here, can you try and switch off the next couple of days? No comms with Hubbie might be a good idea so that you can try and clear your head.
Your doing this the hardest way and it's very difficult.......

Souzee

Can't tell you how to cope as I am not coping this weekend. I do sometimes think that if my life was action packed with no down time I would cope alot better. However you cannot always have action packed weekends can you.

There is one thing i picked up from your thread. Asking your ex for answers to why he treated you badly and cheated etc. Yes you do want answers but I don't think you will get them as i bet he doesn't know the answers and sorry for being sexist guys but men do not seem an to search for the answers to their actions as readily as we do. I am the same I want answers, but as I have decided never to discuss anything with him again I wont be getting them I have a master plan, when my divorce is through depending on the outcome I intend to make drastic changes, a light at the end of my tunnel maybe.

It is almost certainly a rollercoaster and I am disappointed that I have taken a backward step but I will
move forward again

Hi Mirfield

I do know that I am not responsible and he has told me that it has nothing to do with his feelings for me (hard to believe when you've been cast aside for a 28 year old!). Says he has never stopped loving me or the children but he can't help but hurt people because of the pain he is in at the moment(!?) He takes total responsibility and says that he has done this because of the problems in his head and he will have to live with the consequences. Part of me feels worse for that because now he is leaving the ball in my court to make a decision which will affect not only me and him but my two lovely boys who deserve more. We have just had a two hour chat on skype and I have never cried so much in all my life - think I will have a bath and an early night so I can start afresh tomorrow - do not want to feel like this anymore!

Thank you so much for listening


Linda

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I agree with Buxtonman. He has shown remorse which is good but if you decide to give it a go you must try to forgive. We had a go and I strugled to forgive and he struggled to try to make me forgive. It was a trust thing with me and other issues. It can be hard.

Whatnow

Hi Whatnow

How do you forgive? I have read that you have to make it a choice but I think my situation with us still being apart makes it so much harder as I can only listen to what he says on the phone and E Mails, texts etc. not physically see him making a change day in, day out and I think that's the hard thing - knowing I will probably not be any further on by the end of the year when he returns.

He is already starting to get a bit narky if I question him and says I've told you everything why can't you believe me?! (Erm the fact you lied for three months might be a reason!!) Women need to know certain things and he has tried to be as honest as I can 'without hurting me'!

I admire you - is your marriage doing better or not?

Linda

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