help me keep my wife - please

Hi Hartbroken

A couple of the things in your recent posts are very similar to what I encountered. The first is never totally believe what her friends tell you. I had one of my STBXs friends contacting me to tell me all about her other affairs.....I actually spoke to a few people who confirmed that were no other affairs and this friend of my STBX was actually trying to get her hooks into me.

Secondly on her mental health be very careful. My mother in law who I still get on well with told me that she thought my STBX was depressed and that I should go to talk to the family doctor. This actually seemed logical as she was on medication at the time, which had a possible side effect of depression. The doctor said she wouldn't renew the medication automatically but call my STBX in for a chat. It did absolutely no good and when the doctor called the STBX in she smelt a rat and it all came out and I was accused of being a control freak......the fact it was her own mothers idea didn't enter into it.

The advice you have been given to play it very cool is absolutely right - believe me because I have made the mistakes - by trying to win her back you will push her away!.....By playing it cool she may realise what she is losing

By the way with the children, mine are a little older (15 and 12) I have managed to see them a lot (more than half the time) as I still live in the family home. I managed to get the STBX to see that if she wanted out of the marriage that meant her moving out. The situation works for me as I work from home but there are ways to keep a lot of contact if you can keep a good relationship with her, and playing it cool is the best way to achieve that.

Good luck!

Steve

Hi Harttbroken, i agree with everyone here, STOP sending her flowers & buying gifts etc, it just won't work. If your marriage has a chance of surviving it will be better to just talk, talk talk, maybe see relate? If her minds made up to leave you won't stop her, but could it be she just needs a break & may come back later? I wish the best outcome for you, but if its not there we are all here to help you through,
Cindy

When my wife first walked out the usual things expoded in my brain and I bought an E book on the internet. This guy answered my queries as well in emails which went back and forth. This is an excert from one of the mails which sadly is only to true even if we dont want to believe it.
Do you know what annoys women the most?
''After working as a dating coach for a couple of years
and interviewing hundreds of women, I can tell you now:
It's a guy who just won't let go even though she has
already said "no" - over and over.
Way too many guys in this world just don't know
how to take "no" from a woman. They still continue to beg,
plead, cajole and appease...
When they don't stand a chance AT ALL.
Here are some of the MOST EXTREME cases I've worked
in the past:
A man who thought a woman was "playing hard to get"...
until the POLICE showed up to drag him out of her front yard.
A man who continued to harass a stranger he "loved"
after he had ALREADY received a restraining order.
Now...these cases are EXTREME and the men involved
should really go see a psychiatrist...but I can tell you
that MANY men across the world make the mistake of ANNOYING
WOMEN with their needy actions EVERY day...
For example...
1) They continue to call a woman even though she never
calls back.2) They keep begging for their ex's to go back to
them. 3) They keep approaching a certain woman they like
even though she is IGNORING THEM already.
The further these guys push, the more women
PULL AWAY.
So...how do you prevent yourself from making the
same mistakes?
By ALWAYS gauging a woman's interest level before
you do ANYTHING. .
And if a woman doesn't respond back, it's a MAJOR
sign you should move on...

Its the moving on that is difficult. Polar
I would add that like many I didn't believe that this could happen to me and I made all the wrong moves. I didn't want to believe the advice he gave me at all. He was however excellent at the end of the day.

I guess she is making it easier for me... There is so much anger and hate coming from her that I am having trouble staying positive with her. From here on out, I will only talk to her when I absolutely need to or when she initiates it. It is hard to see the woman you love turn from loving you to hating you.

still numb

Hi hartbroken,
I think that is the hardest bit of all, this person that you once loved, laughed with, shared everything with has turned their back on you. The feeling of rejection and betryal is a hard one to bear.
My Ex Husband I suppose made it easier, if you could call it that, he just left. I did not have to face him in the day to day workings of life.
It is that shock of not knowing them anymore, that hits hard.
Be strong,you have had some great advice from the guys on here who have been through the same, their comments will help you on the road to recovery.
At least you know you are not alone and can always share you fears and emotions by posting them.
you take care.
zara

Hartbroken,

It sounds like you have wasted enough tears, time, money and effort on her. The ball is firmly in her court and unfortunately it sound like she is not up for playing ball with you...

Really is no point in continuing to chase as the old cliche says - you can drag a horse to water but you cannot make it drink - it has to want to drink on it's own accord....

She knows where you are IF she wants you...

The realisation that it is over is a very tough step but a necessary one required to move on...

Mike

And i'd just like to add m8.....I doubt it very, very much that she hates you. Yup, we all know theres a very fine line between love and hate, this site is a testament to that..... But hate you? If you belive that your gonna start hating yourself, and belive me, thats a very dark place to be.
Best advice i can give you ........again is to live your life as best you can, be the man she fell in love with and married, and if it works out....fantastic.....if it does'nt..........what have you lost? Sounds like a win-win situaition to me.
And before you say im full of b/s and dont know of what i speak, i just got asked to walk away from 13yrs with nothing but my car and the clothes on my back......on pretty much min wage so im staying with a freind as property is still wayyyyyyyyy outta my budget, and yes m8, like you....i love her so much it hurts.

Take care

Matt