I've ruined my life

saffron1968 wrote:

I wish you the best of luck and it has been an Absolute pleasure to have met and chatted with you. Make sure you stay in touch and dont forget I owe you a glass of red wine

Take care and look after that lovely woman in your life

Saffy xxx

What has happened to this lovely lady ... hmm we need to catch up as I gave you advice last time...U ok and also is she??

Thanks Saff Both she and I are fine.

Nothing has happened in particular, I just need to be on my own for the first time in my life. Need to be indepedent.

We are remaining close friends, but not as close as we were. There are several other reasons, mainly down to me. Lessons learnt an all that

I think I need to say a few words as certain things were not made clear at my end....

Kathy, the lovely lady I have had the Absolute pleasure to get to know over the last 12 months, has been highly instrumental in the way I have coped and gained inner strength. I have NOT done this all on my own, in fact, I honestly don't know if I would be where I am now if it wasn't for her.

I don't want people on here to think that being totally independent is the hard or easy route, it's horses for courses. I didn't want to be, met Kathy, and she pulled me out of my shell and gave me the strength to be a person again. Unfortunately for her, this means now that I feel the need to be alone.

Just in case anyone is wondering, she is NOT standing behind me with a gun, forcing me to write this

I would say that if anyone feels the need to start a new relationship but also feels that the time is not right, then take care, think of the longer term. The lesson I learnt here is that being somewhat selfish in your needs ends up hurting people. I couldn't see the wood for the trees and jumped in with both feet (well, we both did actually).

I don't regret what happened as I have met a new lifelong friend (who will also direct me if I struggle in the future) I just feel sad that I have hurt someone else.

Something to ponder as you make your way forward in your new life.

Take Care everyone...

Hey Lsot,

We can listen to many and state our case to same...but in the end we are answerable to ourselves.

E

Wow....just wow...

Hey to all you newcomers, it will be good...an to you old timers...get a life!

I know you all know what I mean, after all, my life has been put on here for all to see!!

So....to update....

I am now very, very happily still involved with Kathy, the one that steered me in the right direction, and even though I took control and left to 'be alone'...I couldn't.

We have now grown stronger as a couple and I put that all down to her, she has been the most loving person I have EVER met, and yes, that DOES include my Ex.

So...to all you newcomers, listen up...what they tell you is bull, what you feel is right, what you want is good and what you accept is down to you!

Read my story, learn from it....I never, ever would have thought that my family could be whole again, but just tonight, my eldest son told me that Kathy was more family than his mum....how cool is that!!!!

Also....I have to say, that Kathy has taken the time to get to know me, and me her. The end result is that I love this girl more than I have EVER loved anyone before....soul mates?....well after 26 years with a woman, I have now met mine....takes time, but we will all get there....Kathy...I LOVE YOU

Be brave, be strong, don't give up and you will survive.

Peace to you all....

6 weeks ago....so little time....

Update for you all.

I am still happy, very happy honestly.

2 weeks ago it was Joe, my eldest's Engagement party, 1st time for over a year that I would see my Ex. All sorts of feelings, all sorts of emotions. She would also meet Kathy for the 1st time.

Cool thing is, the guy she left me for is no longer in the picture, he is gone, so she needed someone to bring (long story short, she suckered a guy into coming) He was a nice guy, an the weird thing is, I felt sorry for him :/ I knew why ans what he was doing there...

I was happy to bring Kathy and show her off (sorry girls, but us guys need to do that) to my Ex.

When I saw my Ex, it was strange, it was like seeing an old friend that I knew. That is something I read on some US Divorce forums months ago and never thought I would see things that way.

So...things DO change!

I know that many on here are in teh 1st throes of separation, and it HURTS!!

I was told by Kathy the other day, that she had never known anyone to go to the lengths to try and win woman back that I did..ie, I was an alcoholic, a controlling person, a depressed person. Let me tell what I did....

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous (Felt really 'not in the loop')

I spent £300 on therapist's fees to deal with my 'controlling' personality.

I bought at least £50 worth of 'how to save your marriage' books

I got a tatoo (I never liked them)

You know what?...

None of them worked...not one!

What I didn't realise at the time was that I never needed all those, I just needed to keep being who I was. I mean, I had been me for 50 yrs and wasn't wanted, so thought I had better change...WRONG!!

I know that every situation is different, and that no couples are the same, but from my point of view, 2 years on....I am SO happy that it happened, I am now seeing what a REAL realtionship can be like, what it is like to be REALLY loved and ADORED.

SO to all you new guys and gals out there, go with your gut feeling, it's right!!!

I will let you all know if anything changes of course, but so far, I want to spend the rest of my days with Kathy. She has brought so much to the table that I can't eat it all!!

Take Care

PS....please people, don't tell me to stop drinking and stuff....that was too long ago now and I didn't (that is not an excuse for baltant alchoholism by the way)

It's taken me nearly all day to read your post from beginning to end and im just blown away.

What a fab guy you are

All the best of luck for the future - you deserve it.
girliex