Please help me.................im a mess

Hi matt

god you've had an emotional couple of days -

and you've managed it without the drink !!!
thats such an acheivement -

your boy luke is so lucky to have a father like you - dont ever forget that.....ok so you made mistakes, everyone does.....

whats the saying, you never get a dress rehersal at being a parent...

whats important now is that your trying to put its right..

just by being there and spending time with him with be good for you aswell as him....

ok so you want your wife back too, but 1 step at a time...dont rush things....

take it easy

Daisy
xx

Hi matt

Sounds like you had a great day out with your son, and I am so pleased you are starting to turn things around in your life for you and your son. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Stay positive and remember we are all rooting for you.

Jude x

Well..........What a night!

Went to bed for a couple of hours before work and overslept. sent my stbx a text asking her to leave a few of my bits round the back of the house so i could just pick them up without seeing her and ending up upsetting us both which she did. Tbh, i was gutted she did that as in my mind it tells me she has no problem with clearing me and my things out of her life.

Finally arrived at work a full hour and a half late for my shift! And you guessed it, the first person to ask me how i was feeling and i folded.......... Turned into a farty, blubbery mess on the shop floor! Christ, i thought i was stronger than this. Was sent home as i was no use to anyone or anything.

Woke up around 8am and went for a long drive....... Ended up in Bridlington and went for a walk on the beach. Dunno why i ended up there but maybe its because me and Cillie went there once or twice in the very early days of our relaitionship..........Happy memories.

Now im sat here contemplating what to do next, if anything. Counting the hours down till i get to go and see my son. I've decided one thing though. How can i show her im changing and stopped being so controling if i keep texting her? Mearly the very act of doing that is in her eyes at least me still trying to control the situaition.

No more!

Had a rotten night last night. Back at work and life goes on i suppose. Cant get my wife and son outta my head at the moment, their all i think about 24/7. Been to make an appointment at the doctors for friday, just a routine thing really, to see how im copeing without the booze. Truth is, im doing ok......... I think i can see the bottle for what it is now, an instrument that has slowley ruined my and my familys life and health and trust me, i've got a healthy hatred of it now.

The Doc says im making good progress and if i carry on the way i am, with the determinaition i have to beat this, if i feel up to it i should be able to go out socially in a few weeks from now. Now that'll be the real acid test.

My anger management is comming along well to. Was sat in the car today and got held up by an old boy in a people carrier. The old me woulda been shouting, swearing and muttering under his breath......... Lol, dont get me wrong, i was muttering, but it was only my mantra to calm me down.............and it worked!! It truley is a good experience to be able to see the world with a fresh pair of eyes, to realise not everyones out to get me and all i really have to do is reach out, touch peoples hearts, and in turn be touched myself. Its just a shame i dont have my wife and son to see this with me.{Oh, and my mantra is??? "Cilla, Luke and family"

Its our wedding anniversary on Friday and i've already bought her a card........{usually it was a rush job on the way home in the morning, but she has been the only thing on my mind for the past 2 weeks}. I hope she sees it as my way to say thank you for the wonderfull 13 years shes selflessly given me and not as a tactic to pressure her even more. Wot do you think, to much? I had to acknowledge the day in some way, and this was the only way i could think to do it without being dismissed. {I wonder if she's found the cd i did for her a few weeks ago yet, if she has, she has'nt mentioned it}.

I've never felt so compleatly helpless, but do you think thats a good thing? That things are beyond my control and for once im not bulling in and trying to dictate the outcome of this situaition? If it is, or it is'nt, its something i aim to continue.

Thanks for listening
Matt x

Hey Matt,

Just want you to know that ou are doing sooooo well.

I applaud your efforts and your insight.

Keep seeing your son and regaining his trust.

It will take your wife a long time (months) to realise you have changed and off the booze (for good hopefully), you are right about the bullying, control thing. Give her space and respect and even if you don't get back together at least you can be friends for your son. No one knows what the future will bring........keep strong, be healthy and remember that mantra!!!!

One day at a time Matt:)

HI matt

You are doing so well, keep going, hun

You are trying to cope with such a lot at the moment, prehaps a chat with your GP might help? He may be able to arrange some counselling for you, lots of people have used this and found it a great help, and it is no shame to admit you might need a little extra help. You are not just coping with kicking the addiction, but also the emotional upheaval of your home life, its such a lot for anyone to deal with.

As for Friday, I would just send your wife a card, with a heart-felt message inside (there are some great sites with lovely poems, or you could write yor own), any big gestures from you might be a bit overwhelming for your wife, so prehaps best to keep it simple, but meaningful?

Take Care

Hugs

Ruby

Thanks Rubes, thats just wot i thought to. x