Divorce is good ....

Hi all,

I''m back on here after a two year break. New user name so you won''t recognise me but I have met some of you! Divorce for me was a necessity but I won''t say it was good for me. I bitterly miss my old life and feel very lonely although, as some posters have said, it would be difficult to give up my new found independence. I spend my entire existence thinking about the things I''ve lost, even in my dreams! So, divorce not good, but the marriage wasn''t either it must be said.

WF

Hmm

I wonder how many would go back to being in an unhealthy relationship that has run its course and is dead .

We lose , we gain .

When love has gone from the relationship what the hell is the point of carrying on . Futile . Why do it ? You die a little inside carrying on .
Why oh why carry on in a loveless relationship ,

You know what , it''s fear , fear I will be alone fear no one will like me fear what will people think fear oh I am only half the person I was
Fear I can''t cope fear I will always be unhappy

All lies we tell ourselves all lies and the mind loves it .

I''d rather be where I am right now right this minute than what u was in .
Yes bomb goes off . Fear grips us we panick we say what''s wrong with me we don''t like it . I wanna go back to feeling safe and secure in the familiar shit .
Mind games all of it .
We survive we find ourselves we find our voice we find our likes we find our dislikes . World is not gonna come knock and door and say there you go enjoy rest your life ,

No we are responsible for our own life our own happiness our own future because all we have his now . Past is gone future not arrived .
Used to think I''d lost my future until I realised never had it in the first place . The future is what I make of it . Thoughts u think now shape my future . And I want a positive future not a negative one thinking what was .

I no longer blame ex for my woes I did
Not anymore . I take full responsibility for me

Would I go back ... No no no Wild horses not take me there

D

i suppose that what it all boils down to is did both partners try to make things right. Marriage was never going to be a bed of roses and with every up there will be a down. I had my stbx back because otherwise I could never say that I had done my best. If you make little people that depend on you, then it is more than just the two people involved.
If your car breaks you fix it, probably many times, before you have to get a new one. If people were more aware of what they were losing would they try harder to work things out.
I do thank you Declan for posting this question, as it has evoked many different feelings and responses. I am very glad to realize that im not the only one that would grab my old life back with both hands and no longer feel that " i should except my new life" and get on with it.
All the best to you all.

Why would anyone want their old life back

?????

What is the fear ?

Opportunities all around you and free to go follow your true path .

The marriage did not work out , life is not over in fact it''s just beginning .
Stripped raw and rebuild a stronger better life .
Go be happy .
D

Declan wrote:

Hmm

I wonder how many would go back to being in an unhealthy relationship that has run its course and is dead .

We lose , we gain .

When love has gone from the relationship what the hell is the point of carrying on . Futile . Why do it ? You die a little inside carrying on .
Why oh why carry on in a loveless relationship ,

You know what , it''s fear , fear I will be alone fear no one will like me fear what will people think fear oh I am only half the person I was
Fear I can''t cope fear I will always be unhappy

All lies we tell ourselves all lies and the mind loves it .

I''d rather be where I am right now right this minute than what u was in .
Yes bomb goes off . Fear grips us we panick we say what''s wrong with me we don''t like it . I wanna go back to feeling safe and secure in the familiar shit .
Mind games all of it .
We survive we find ourselves we find our voice we find our likes we find our dislikes . World is not gonna come knock and door and say there you go enjoy rest your life ,

No we are responsible for our own life our own happiness our own future because all we have his now . Past is gone future not arrived .
Used to think I''d lost my future until I realised never had it in the first place . The future is what I make of it . Thoughts u think now shape my future . And I want a positive future not a negative one thinking what was .

I no longer blame ex for my woes I did
Not anymore . I take full responsibility for me

Would I go back ... No no no Wild horses not take me there

D

Well, I had to leave the country in which I lived when I separated so change of lifestyle and even climate. I miss it. Back here, all change, all alone so hard. My actual divorce was only 11 months ago so still recent and still time to be able to say one day that it did me good.

This post has indeed evoked different reactions but I agree with Declan. I would rather poke my eyes out with red hot needles that return my life to what it was.

Once upon a time we were good, things changed because of his insecurities, his limitations and ultimately my own limitations in trying to deal with his. What I had was hope, I hoped we could get back to the time when things were good. I tried for years to make us good again, he spent the same amount of years making sure we weren''t.

This caused so much damage, it was irreparable. At the end, I was tired and had no fight left. I didn''t see at the time but I had began to kick back and do stuff with little regard for his feelings, after all he didn''t show me any. My counsellor suggested that he would have felt very threatened by this behavior and duped before he was duped. I really don''t know about this, all I know is that I had his back but he chose to hurt and break someone who loved him.

Now I''m free of all the mind games, all the rejection, all the pain. Going through divorce is hard, the law isn''t easy to understand, the ridiculous cost of money involved to divorce someone, it seems that every relationship you have is affected by divorce. But despite all of this, I''m glad it happened because he and I were just not right together. I was very lonely in my marriage. Now I am alone but I''m not lonely.

Declan you seem to have turned a corner and you are making positive strides towards a brighter future. I''m happy for you. To me your life is now so much richer than it was and this will inspire others. Of that I have no doubt.

Take care my friend

LG xXx

Thank you LG X
Yeah , my life is now that my life .
My choices my decisions my responsibility
My life my music my friends some new ones
My choice to go positive instead of negative and God have I been negative and scared and worried , yep all of them
Not only divorce but another major loss three month later which I still work on .

Hand on heart , I say to all .., your life is not over .. I thought mine was ..,

Well it is all codswallop , it is not over it is just beginning . Believe it because it is . Your life is beginning , your free to create the life that you want , the life that you deserve . And do not let anyone do not let anyone detract you from your true path no matter what they say . The nay Sayers will always be around . Do not listen to them . Listen to yourself . Because that person inside you wants to guide you .

Just find that quiet inner voice and ignore the loud one .

All will be well

D