Social services are ruining my life

i need when i was pregnant i was referred to social services i.e dv with my partner. i made a statement about the dv that went on. i didnt want to break from my partner jus to get help to become good parents and move on from the past. however when my baby was born they took her with a E.P.O.

i was forced to take out and non melostation order on my partner i never wanted to but i was scared iw ouldnt get my baby back. i was sent to a residential asesment unit and told if i contact my partner i will lose my daughter i passed the assesment and now live back at home but i stil talk to my partner and see him we love each other and just want to be a family the molestation order has expired noe but we are scared of what to do as we want to be a fmaily but dont want to lose our baby. i proved im a good mother and love my daughter but my social worker hates my partner and so does the childrens guardian.

please i need advice i just want to be that family but we are scared we a falling apart because of all of this and am now stuck of what to do i dont want to lose my baby and my partner and i dont want to lose each other for our past mistakes.

please can someone adise or help me

thank you

What work has your partner done regarding his violence / anger management?

The priority here is your child. Social Services, and any court, would need to feel confident that your child was not going to be ut at risk from witnessing, or becoming a victim, f violence or abuse. (And just to be clear, if your partner is violence or abusive towards you, that *does* harm your child, even if you think she dioesn't se it because it happens when she is sleeping or in another room.

If you want to be able to live with your partner, then you need to be able to stand up to him, and protect yourself and your daughter. That means being able to recognise when his behaviour is abusive (which can include threats, controlling bahviour, critisism or belittling you as well as more obvious violence) and to be ready and willing to take whatever steps are needed - which is likely to incldue calling the police, obtaining an injuction and refusing to allow him in your home.

I suspect at teh moment taht the Social worker and Guardain are not confident that you are able to do this, and this leads to concerns about whether you can protect your daughter.

If your partner has taken steps to acknowledge and address his behaviour then the two of you can contact social services and discuss his returning to the home. YOu may need to do this gradually, and you should expect more involvmentfrom social services as you do, as they will have to prioritise your daughter's needs, and to be sure that you are not closing your eyes to, or minimising any risk of violence.

In the first instance it wuld be sensible to sit down with the Guardian and to ask hi,/her what steps they would want to see you and your partner each take, in order to be able to support his returning to the home. You can also discuss when/how you & he can spend time together in the mean time.

That way, you show to the Guardian and Socail Services that you are being honest and open, so that they can trust you to continue to be honest with them if you and your partner do continue to live together.

It is a very unhealthy relationship for you and your daughter to be with someone who is violent towards you, so the most significant step that you will need to see s for your partner to address his behavior, and to work on changing it. Unless he is willing to do that then you canot safely 'be a family' with him. It's interesting that you refer to 'past mistakes' - being violent is not a mistake, and if you and/or your partner are minimising the efect it has then that is probably why social services and the guardian are not able to support you in reuniting with him.

It is very difficult, and if you have not already done so I would strongly recommend that you ask thm to help you find appropriate counselling and support.

hi thanks for the reply i have undertaken counselling and have done 5months in assesment units to prove i can protect my daughter and be a good parent.

i say mistakes as we were both in a very difficult time when we were abusive and we regret our actions as we both love each other and our daughter dearly.

so if he goes and does the right domestic violence courses or anger management then we present ourselves to the guardian or social services would they agree to listen or would they see us together and take my baby away as she is on a interim care order with the grounds they cannot take her unless we go to court.

i just need to no if they will take her if we contact them and be honest as i have a real tough social worker but as she has said to me im a great mother and love my daughter she has bonded with me great and im jus so very scared of what they might do.

thank you

Taya it isn't a question of just doing the courses, it is a question of making a fundamental change in attitudes and behaviour. Getting back together with your bf before talking with social services would be a mistake. You both needto prove yourselves individually fit to care for a child and then to prove that as a couple. EPOs are not issued lightly. Loving your baby and being able to provide a safe, secure and stimulating family environment are two entirely different things. And frankly the welfare of your baby takes priority over yours.

i have proved i am a good mother i am not a stupid little girl i have brains and have graduated. i have proven i love care for my daughter they took the epo the day she was born as i had a social workwer at the time who was listening to neighbours who were racist.

we jus want to be a family we are not a risk to our daughter as if i was they wouldnt leave her in my care.

my partner had his problems alot of things went on but he wants to change to seems like every1 just judges him on his past actions and dont look at the bigger picture he loves his daughter and me and wants to make it right people alwais judged us on our past but cannot see what we want for our daughter we are no animals or evil people we want the best for our baby and would never be how we used to around her we love her. all we need is the right help and sup0port to prove that

So take it slowly and do it in conjunction with your social worker's advice; supervised contact might help. Don't let him move back in until the social worker is happy with his progress.

And frankly you need to face up to the fact that you are bound to be judged on past actions until you can prove different. the very title of your post suggests that you are not doing that. Social services aren't ruining your life; they are actually trying to help you and your baby.

they are not helping me they are just assumeing things but they do not no what is best for my daughter just because they have studied in uni i no whats best for her me and her dad there are worse people out there with there children.

and i have proved i am putting my daughter first and keeping her safe. otherwise i wouldnt of passed my residential assesment with flying colours no problems at all my daughter is happy and content. we are jus worried about telling my social worker that we want to be a couple they might take her as she did before and they cant judge people on ther past as things change in life n we have changed so its rong assumeing things