Can it work again?

I''m really confused. My ex had an afair 10 years ago and five years ago we were divorced. I have a new partner - she is ok but the relationship is very stale.

Honestly I have never stopped loving my ex. I dont think she has stopped loving me either but but she would never admit it.

The ex has lived with the boyfriend since the split but I now hear he has dumped her after 10 years.

Even though I am in a nice stable relationship I still have feelings for my ex and now she might be available again I am really really confused. Can anyone help??

Rich

Oh whoops, hope is an eternal flame.

This is such a difficult dilemma and if you were a friend of mine I just wouldn''t get involved or offer up any thoughts because you can be blessed or damned whichever way you go.

1. If your ex came back to you could you ever be certain it wasn''t because she is frightened of being on her own.

2. Ten years to be with someone else at their own volition is rather a lot, so could your thinking she still loves you be based on your feelings and hope.

3. Are you regarding your current relationship as stale because your ex wife is on her own. If you don''t want to be with someone, it is kinder to let them go earlier, they deserve to be loved, not to be convenient.

No one can give you answers, only ask you questions. I sincerely hope you find happiness.

You''re speculating that your ex wife still harbours the same feelings for you. Is that wise? She had an affair ten years ago so things weren''t exactly great at that point, although you didn''t divorce for a further five years.

Think very hard before making any move to discover whether she may wish to rekindle your former relationship. Whatever happens, this is not looking good for your current partner. If you stay against your better judgement, that''s no premise for happiness and if you''re hankering after your ex wife, where does that leave her? You describe your relationship only as OK and stale, so a good place to start might be with sorting that one.

Perhaps neither of them is the one you truly wish to go forward into the future with, but that''s a different question.

It''s a dilemma but you do need to find a solution sooner rather than later for everyone''s sake.

Can it work again? I suppose it depends on whether 2 people can see where it started to fail in the first place. What I have realised that a long relationship takes work, just like an old car or an old house.
New relationships cars and houses are all something that really don''t take any work things just fall into place.
Some friends of ours were due to marry 28 years ago and he called it off.
They met up again a couple of years ago and got married and so far seem to be very happy. So maybe it can work if you learn from your previous experience. Obviously you also have to love each other as well.

I would say... "Dont ask... dont get!"

Dont spend your life wondering if only. Call her and say you heard, is she ok? You will soon find out if she really harbours any feelings but after being dumped on by her and seeing her live with someone else for 10 years... not sure why you would want to risk it again?

But being blunt,
If your current relationship is stale what are YOU doing about it apart from looking elsewhere? That is what your ex did 10 years ago... remember the hurt that caused you!?
Be sure of what you want because you could end up with nothing.

Rich,

As you have already been told
This a difficult one.....

10 years ago was a long time,you said you still have feelings for your ex,but that person is gone,the person you divorced and who she is now,is not the person you married,and then again neither are you!!

I tried the going back route,it never worked for me,we were 2 completly differant people,but then again we may have been at the end of our marriage,just did not see it!!!
You both change,and if I am honest,a certain amount of resentment will always be there,I know it''s easy to say there will not be......

As for your new relationship being stale ???
Well are you in this,just for being in it??
You are not doing either of you any favours if this is how you feel,so eveluate what you want in this relationship and if it is not what you want,do the honest thing..................
Most of all,look inside yourself and find the most precious person in your life...
YOU
Only you know what you want,but looking back on a life of lies???
Look forward on a life of truth!!!!!!

I wish you well

Take care
Luv and cwtchs
Afon xx.................................

Please be careful.

You do really need to sort out your current relationship first and decide whether to bring it an end or stay and sort it out before considering renewing your relationship with your wife.

Simon