Feeling terrible

Hi

My husband moved out about 12 weeks ago. It was my decision to end the relationship and I was doing ok - I had the odd wobble but i was managing to hold things together.
Yesterday he told me he has met someone else and has been with her for about 6wks.
I am devastated - yesterday was a terrible day and today has not been easy. I don't understand why I am so hurt - i am upset that he has moved on so bloody quickly.
All thoughts are going thru my head - one main problem is that I don't want my children to meet this other woman.
Please help me feel better - I don't feel like i am coping at the moment.

Hi

I am in a similar situation to you, in so far as I decided that enough was enough and I ended the marriage. Although things are very rocky at present we have agreed that neither of us will start any relationships until things are settled, more for the boys sake, i do hope he sticks to it as he has a history of lying. I have tried to imagine how i will feel when he does start a new relationship and I am almost sure it will hurt, but I know that I have to remember what I have to gain by letting go of something that was all but a dream.

Take care

thank you Louise for replying - we didn't discuss new relationships because i didn't think it was even in his or my thoughts. I couldn't imagine starting a new relationship - i'm still grieving for my marriage - although like you it was a dream that would never have happened.
I feel so sick, I cant eat and I cant sleep - i can't believe it has affected me so much. She has 2 children and he said he has briefly met them so things appear to be moving along pretty fast.
I know people on here say it gets better but I am beginning to wonder if it will for me.
I am sorry to hear that you are in the same situation - life can be crap sometimes.

xx

I agree life can be crap . Like I said, I think it is important to concentrate on why we have decided to to get off the merry-go-round. I am still in the very early days, as are you. Maybe he is doing it to see if it provokes some kind of change of heart from you? Or, as would most probably be the case of my husband had we not discussed it in the first place, he is very needy. Did your husband want out? My husband did not but was unable to express this in a way which would make any woman reconsider her position, instead, he had me arrested for assult, which I did not do, but none-the-less the Police took me in, put me in a cell, questioned me and released me on bail, if i dare to express anger, amongst other things he threatens to do this again and there is nothing i can do, as he knows how upset I was after this horrendous experience. Gosh, sorry for waffling, i got carried away.

Anyway, remain focused and remember why you did it in the first place. I am sure that my life will be better in the long run and I am sure yours will too.

I hated it when my stbx introduced the kids to the other woman. It was done at my mother-in-laws at a so called family dinner which i was uninvited to a week before.I only found out about it when they came home.
The other woman has since tried a few times to invite my kids to other occasions which my daughter has gone to because she doesnt want to appear rude but my son always makes up excuses,not because he doesnt like her but he said to me she doesnt realise that he never paid much attention when he was with us so it all seems so false.
They are 18 & 15 so i dont really have to protect them as much. But i am now quite happy that she is not going to try and take my place which is one of the things that goes through your mind.
I think 6 weeks is a bit soon to be meeting the other half but that is only my personal opinion others on here might disagree.

Hi and (((hugs))

My ex behaved horribly for a while. I put it down to stress at work etc, but it didn't get any better so I asked him to leave.

I found out later that he'd found someone else and was behaving badly as he felt guilty and had to dump the blame on me.

When he moved out I thought I would feel relieved, but I went through a period of deep grief, crying almost constantly. He would have been the person I turned to for comfort and I couldn't do that any more. Plus he had someone to comfort him. It seemed really unfair, but then life IS unfair.

I needed a lot of help - anti-depressants, counselling, all my friends and family (I found old friends and family members I hadn't seen for years were really keen to offer support, it was lovely) and this site.

I hated it the first time my sons (then 16 and 14) went round to his gf's place. But they came back as soon as they could and aren't that keen on going. It was difficult as the gf was my elder son's careers counsellor at the time. In fact younger son has been seeing her for a bit to get advice which I find tricky. Especially as ex is showing more concern over this than he did when he was living with us.

Anyway, the bit they found hardest I think is that gf has 2 younger children and ex goes on about what he does with them etc a lot. He seems to be babysitting them and ferrying them about far more than he did with our sons. I used to find this wounding/irritating, but now I find it funny that he's so unaware he thinks I'm interested in what they are all doing!

Focus on your relationship with your children - let them work out things with your ex and his gf. Give them credit for being more aware than you might think.

Louise - you talk sense, i cud do with your number on speed dial.
My marriage break-up was coming for a long time. At first he didn't want it and threatened suicide. Towards the end he got his head round it and didn't put up a fight.
You are so right that i need to focus on why i made my decision. Sometimes I find it so hard remembering why i did it (my mind plays games and only remembers the good).
Thank you for taking to the time to reply - you have made me feel better just reading your replies.
Life must get better because I don't think it can get any worse.
Thanks
xx