Shall I stay or shall I go now (a song coming on)

I am not sure where to begin, having gone through two divorces I now feel I am going through a third and its not even mine..

As much as I dont want to be party to it, I also dont want to see my BF get screwed over.

I cannot see an end to the bloody mindedness of his ex, she draws everyone into the midst of it, their kids, anyone who is linked to her facebook, the abuse he gets on there is outrageous. He never comments and never uses his facebook as a platform.

FDR next month, she has financially crippled him and if I weren't throwing in an element of support I don't know how he would be surviving right now.

She has tried approaching my daughter (who is 24 and very much like me - thank heaven) for what purpose?

I really want a future with my BF but she has put him through so much that he has admitted he doesn't think he can give me what he knows I would like. Do I wait for the outcome of what I know will be a FH, she wont settle for less..

So should I stay or should I go...

Oh Mwahppet, we are so alike I have been having the same thoughts and issues myself this week.

The thought of the next 10 years (or more) having to deal with the ex from hell (and its third party not even my own!) has made me question my relationship and I have seriously wondered if I can do it.

Then I remember how much better suited my partner is compared to my ex's and I realise I will stand by him and that probably in 5 years time we wont even remember this period in our lives. I can honestly say I have found my sole mate, he cant say the same because he is still carrying all the baggage of divorce.

If you want to chat away from here pm me and we can.

Both.... It is hard being involved with someone that is divorcing. I wont do it and I advise those that are divorcing not to get involved with anyone until they are free themselves. Adding an additional person into that mix just adds to the problems. But yr in now. And perhaps what you should be focusing on is life after the divorce.

A divorce has just a short duration. I know it seems endless all the court stuff, finacials, hassles, turning freind against freind. But all this ends one day. And then the fun will start. Often divorce leaves it mark on someone. If we have been burned by someone, it takes a lot to get over that. But that shared experiance and the recovery, can bring you closer together. Try and look at it this way. U have invested so much. See where this goes. And after this is all over perhaps you could review where you are and if its worth continuing or cutting yr losses. C.

I sympathise - my bf's stbx has told so many lies to the kids, friends and family and this has caused so much damage.

Fortunately he's had some good friends and family that have raised these lies with him and he has been able to defend himself and deny the allegations and prove that she has indeed told lies. Unfortunately he has not been able to do this with his children.

It has upset me from time to time, especially when she made up lies about me, but I live in hope her nastiness will burn out and she'll get caught out by the kids with her lies.

Being with the person you love sometimes isn't easy n(ha ha ha understatement), you need to be strong in yourselves and find a way to cope and switch off, otherwise it can be all encompassing.

Marshy is right - we shouldn't get involved with someone going through a divorce esp a messy/nasty one, but you know things don't always work to plan and we can't control who or when we fall in love.

Separate you as a couple from their battles, try not to get too engrossed/involved.

Be a support and adviser if/when asked, but don't make the battles your own.

It will become transparent if your relationship is going down a dead end, but don't just throw the towel just because things get difficult - esp if its all to do with his ex.

Have a period of time when you talk about the ex, rant, b!tch, moan and whine about things, then leave it. Concentrate on other things. I think I've figured out why my bf's stbx does what she does - this helps ........ but don't let it take over your life ........

Good luck

WR x

Dont get involved with people who are going through separation / divorce...their "old" lives are not concluded.
Dont get involved IN the separation / divorce..it's their battle not yours.
Dont hate the ex...you only know 1 side of the story...love is blind after all.
Simples!

Sorry Justgoaway... not so simples!!

justgoaway, I absolutely see your point.

There are two sides to every story and sometimes (I know my ex has done it) tell the new partner a load of codswallop to make them look "good" in their eyes and the ex a witch.