Ex's girlfriend won't butt out

Hi everyone
I'm new to this divorce game so please can you offer some advice
My divorce of 2 years is not amicable 18 yrs marriage 25 yrs total relationship 3 teenage children won't go through the ins & outs but involved ex being prosecuted for domestic violence.

Ex went almost straight into new relationship - OW has been divorced TWICE - 3 children - youngest same age as my youngest (15)I'm not to know about OW but I know who she is.

OW has started to interfere in middle child's(MC) decisions re University - wrote MC a letter saying that MC's father would miss MC if MC went where MC said MC wanted to go and that Uni selection should not be based on getting as far away from Mother as possible.
I have done as everyone has said and not approached OW
I'm writing now because OW has sent birthday card to MY HOME ADDRESS for MC with small gift of money in which I feel is stepping over the mark.I can't beleive the brass neck of the woman bearing in mind she has been through TWO divorces and really should know better.
How do I tell her to get off without offending and without Ex getting involved?
I feel I have no rights in this position and EVERYONE is telling me to IGNORE her

Telling anyone off without them getting offended and without their partner getting involved is probably impossible.

Please don't. It's not your place to tell her off.

I understand your upset, but the OW is probably (from her point of view) trying to be friendly to her partner's children. What you see as her butting in is from her point of view normal.

I know it hurts. It hurts me when my sons get birthday cards signed not just from their father but from his gf and his gf's children. It hurts that she gives my children careers advice - but then she is a careers adviser so does have more knowledge and contacts than I do!

But they've been together 3 years and she is part of his life, whether I like it or not.

If you found a new partner, would be be offended if he sent your child a card or present?

Your feelings about this are for you to deal with. Unless MC is telling you he's upset - in which case you can help him by not showing him how upset you are.

This woman may be a long-term part of your ex's life. Telling her off isn't going to change that, it will just make it really difficult if/when you have serious concerns to raise with her and him about your children.

I echo Nell. This women may be there to stay, maybe not, but for now at least she is part of the extended family.

MC should be getting as much advice about uni choice as possible and should be weighing up what is said. I doubt MC would pay more attention to OW than to others who have been closer for longer. It's not a good idea to go a very long distance away - emotionally it's more difficult to settle and practically the logistics of transporting all the stuff a student claims to need are a nightmare. Actually the best advice for a student applying to uni is to make sure they actually go and see the place. The last thing you need is for them to turn up and find they hate the town/campus.

Hi there;

I'm struggling to understand what's so awful about OW sending a birthday card with a fiver in for the kid? Surely that's just a nice wee gesture?

Hi

Is the other woman aware that her sparkly new Mr Right has been prosecuted for domestic violence?

This can distort seemingly innocent interactions. Abusers want to control things, and it is quite common that they want to continue controlling post separation. This woman may have unwittingly bitten off more than she can chew by involving herself in a more complicated marriage breakdown?

The gesture of the birthday card could be innocent and well meaning, and maybe should be taken at face value? I would have thought a young person about to embark on university would have the independence of thought to make up their own mind about its underlying meaning.

It is probably best to distance yourself from the emotional impact of such things, if you possibly can.

Good luck,

mm

My second daughteris off to uni next week and it is a fairdistance away. She chose it because it wanted top grades and was oneof thebest unis for the course she wants to study.

Remember term times are short.

If your daughterdoesn't want to receive cards and presents from g/f she should tell her.