Countering allegations.....

Not sure where to put this one and a sensitive subject.....I am hoping someone who has had the same can give me some advice.

Long drawn out messy process so far, many many lies, exagerations and attempts to reduce house value, claim health issues etc, so I was expecting some of this within the form E exchanges, but not the bombshell that appeared within the ''Bad Behaviour'' section.

COnsidering this process has been ongoing for 18 months and no mention of it to date, she has stated that ''there was an incidence of domestic violence against her before I left the MH, and she called the police(after I had been left the house) and the Police wanted to arrest me, but she decided not to pursue it further''

There is zero foundation to it, it appears in bold on a legal court document which will be seen by a judge who will be considering my character and I am dumbfounded. In addition to not understanding how anyone can stoop so low, I am guessing that the police have a record of the call and visit and me potentially registered as a violent person. This could affect many things in my life, or am I over egging?

What should I do, as I do not think I can take this laying down, she is lying in a court document to positively affect her treatment in this case.

I do have a solicitor and will be meeting with her next week, but I am boiling on this at the moment and hoping someone has some advice as to where this should go.

Thanks as always.

You are over egging but that’s only natural considering the circumstances.

Your solicitor can probably advise you better but I can share from my case, I was falsely accused of domestic violence. The police were called but took no further action. My ex’s barrister found a way to raise this matter at every single hearing, obviously in a way that suggested it might be true but it was clear the judges didn’t want to hear it. If there was serious and clear cut violence it might matter but if it is simply an unsubstantiated allegation it won’t impact the financial outcome.

I countered the allegations by simply saying that I deny the allegations, I am prepared to give a more robust defence of the matter if required but I don’t think it is in anyone’s interest to debate this in court.

Thanks very much, it has helped me reduce below boiling point

I have looked at the overall document and there are so many lies within, many of which I can disprove with documents and emails, that if it mattered and anyone wanted to try and consider it, I am sure it would not hold up.

It does not stop my anger though. I left the village I had lived in all my life, with many shared friends, most of them treated me with real hostility afterwards if I bumped into them and I could never fully understand why as I had done nothing to them or had any conversations......this allegation confirms to me why, I have spoken to one person to ask if they had been told of this (allegation) from the past, and they had......so I feel I need to do something to change that but cannot think what, and probably timing not great 1 month away from a court date.

So I guess I grin and bare it!!

Thank you for some of the private messages of support on this, I know it is an emotive subject and when readers do not know both sides of the story there is always the thought that there is no smoke without fire!

I feel I need to speak to a couple of people that I have not for 18 months to tell them that this is all a lie....but.....it is on a form E, an official document which precedes an impending court date, am i in breach of anything if I discuss this with third parties and it were to reach the ears of my stbx and then her solicitor?

Perhaops I am best to keep quiet but I am bursting to start to try and clear my name and reputation....

Any advice appreciated.

My x had me arrested once on the way home from a party once. She was paralytic and stood banging on the police station door. Thank goodness for CCTV !!!

The second time was 3 years after the divorce and both myself and my daughter were formally arrested after ''''someone'''' accused us of a break in at my x;s house. an anonymous crimestoppers phone call.

So now I am on police records with my DNA and fingerprints on file. No way of having those taken off.

Then my x stated 6 years after the divorce that the real reason she left was because I used to beat her up regularly. So why was divorce based on 2 year separation?

I wondered at the time of her leaving why my social group fell to zero. She was covering up her sexual activities with lies of course.

So what is the answer ?

In my case I kept the FMH under the consent deal. So I lived in a community of 40 houses with lies being spread about me.

But this community knew me and hopefully knew my character. Of course what goes on behind closed doors is questionable.

There were those who shunned me through being embarrassed. Some believed the lies including the woman who didn''t know my x was having a secret affair with her husband !!

My strategy..if thats what you could call it was to carry on the best that I could. Standing as upright in the community as was possible. If people want to believe lies they will but they also see through those lies.

There was no real reason to counter the accusations. In some ways that is counter productive. Just being me in the community allowed them to make their own minds up. I came to the point where I didn''t care. They either wanted to know me or they didn''t. Their loss if they didn''t.

My real loss was in the social group outside the estate. That fell to zero. (besides long term friends of course)
Recently I bumped into one old ''friend''. That was an interesting conversation as I filled in some blanks !!!!

Now I have a new circle of friends and they benefit from my company as I do from theirs. Try telling them about the lies she told and they fall about laughing.

One thing to remember is that anyone who lies has to have an excellent memory as it doesn''t take long before they make a mistake.

So don''t try to counter allegations. Just stay as you are. It won''t be long until they mess up again.

Finally my x had to have lied to her solicitor. She kept the fact of multiple affairs away from her. Unfortunately my x continued her behaviour on her new community (small town) and word soon got around !!!! Leopards don''t change their spots.

I have the same nonsense thrown at me. She has lied on the form E saying I am abusive, the cops were called after her b/f refused to leave the m/h when I caught the pair of them snogging in the hall when I came home from work one day! this was after the wife had moved out.
Also apparently she stopped the mediation when I became abusive? hmm it was because she had made my life so hellish I had to stay in my van and unable to live in my home or even get to work... amazing how people think its ok to lie about you.. unfortunately as we are male we are often not believed when we try and defend ourselves against false allegations.
Fortunately I have plenty of evidence that she is no way scared or intimidated in my presence.... and plenty of abusive texts and emails from her, she wont have any from me because I never sent any.

My Stbx has just put in his expenditure sheet, no receipts or bank statements or pay slips. Sharing all bills and living with girlfriend so their expenses are halved but he is claiming paying rent in 2 places and going between homes lol. They''ve had lots of expensive holidays and weekends away yet not on his expenditure. Claiming having to borrow money etc. it will be easy to prove in court if he has to provide bank/credit card statements etc. However lawyer doesn''t appear interested. If x is shown to be lying will it make any difference to the case.