Naming and Shaming

Lucy, Your not bitter and twisted, thats just a natural reaction and one a lot of us here have had.

Phoenix1

I dont know how many people have said what goes around comes around to me over the last couple of weeks- Thats because its true!!!
Generally a relationship born out of adultery. lying, cheating etc does not have a future and I'm sure at some point one or both of them will realise that, and hopefully when they do, liek you I will have moved on.


Thanks

Lucy
x

Hi Lucy,

Just to add to previous comments :

You can of course divorce on the grounds of adultery. But what you need is either for the adultery to be admitted by your husband or for proof of adultery.

You do NOT have proof of the adultery. What you have is pieces of paper showing that two people booked a holiday and car insurance.
From a legal point of view, this is insufficient. As has been said before, the only proof admissible is evidence of penetrative sex.
I don't think this is about to be forthcoming, do you ?

If your husband denies having the affair, the first step in the divorce proceedings will be protracted and expensive.
It will be even more complicated if you want to name a third party.

You may want to think about divorcing on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. This is far easier and the grounds could include " inappropriate relationship(s) with (a)
member(s) of the opposite sex " without it being contested.

The law and the courts unfortunately take no account of how you feel. It is therefore advisable to get a petition in with the minimum fuss and expense so that you can concentrate on the rest of the divorce proceedings.

Red XX

Oh great! So he could cause trouble by denying in court something which he has openly admitted to me in private!!.Thanks anyway its something to think about- I suppose the best thing would be to talk to my husband and ask him if he would contest it first.

Lucy

L,

I also have been down the route of where you are,

My xtb has/is having an affair with her Boss...

I found out and decided not to divorce her, saying that my love was strong enough to pull us through. Within 4 weeks I had divorce proceedings citing my unreasonable behavior.. All fabricated.

So I spun around and went initially down the route of defending and cross petitioning based on her adultery.

At the last minute I called her and I agreed not to based on the fact that she wanted out and was going to be reasonable. After all you cannot force someone to love you...

The reasonableness died at this point. She now denies everything and laughs at the fact that the Decree Nisi went through so easily. Effectively using this as justification of the fact that she must be right.

I have 2 children and it was and is the biggest regret that I did not pursue this defence. I am sure she will tell them that I was unreasonable and use the judgement in her favour as justification.

My advise would be if there are others involved, siblings etc then make sure you get the right grounds..

I got it wrong and regret it dearly, it is not about the money. It is about morals and justice....

Good Luck

Meishka

Absolutely- Although my ex says that all I seem to be interested in is the money and I cant make him see that I want fairness- I dont want to divorce him because like you I thought (and maybe still do) that there is still love there, but I also dont want him to walk away scott free- All of this is his doing and I need to get whats right for me which he keeps harping on is unfair and bitter.

I am hainging off the divorce right now because I know once we go down that route that is it definitely no going back, but then I think why am I making the effort, he certainly isnt

Lucy

I crossed petitioned as my x2b was the one who had affairs and as I was not moving fast enough for him he decided to go for UB.Though my children are adult and know what is going on they wanted me not to let him get away with his behaviour.I do not regret doing it but it has delayed the decree nisi,anyway I am in no hurry to get married like someone I know.
On the moral ground ,if you can afford I think it should be done.
For myself if I do date a divorce ,I would like the reason why he is divorced and if it is for adultery it will be a relationship that I would be very weary of following.