Why does it take so long ? Why the conflict ?

Just got the finances sorted ( I hope !!) .
Basically , what I offered her a year ago , plus I got a bonus that I wasn't expected .
Her solicitor dragged it out ,and cost her (and me ) more , and got her nothing .
When we went into the court we were close to agreement , we went outside and negotiated a deal in 15 minutes ....FIFTEEN MINUTES . Why has it taken 18 months ..yes EIGHTEEN MONTHS . One and a half years , stolem from my life . What was the point ? Who has "won" ? Not me , not the ex , but ....you guessed it ...The solicitors !!! What a waste it has been .
How come her solicitor was prepared to "talk tough" in the letters ,but when he saw me was as nice as pie . What cowardice !!! Personally , I would like to have gone out the back with him ,and sorted it out using fists ,like REAL men do . A straight fight , one on one . Would he (or any male soicitor) have taken me up on it ? Of course not . All talk , all very big and tough when they are writing letters ,or slagging you off to a judge , but when it comes to it ,just a coward .
Total waste of time !!!

Hi Sealion,

18 months from the word 'Go' until settling the finances is not unusual.

I guess it takes so long because one or both parties have unreasonable expectations of how much they want in conjunction with finding it difficult to think clearly when suffering a lot of emotional turmoil. As time passes, the latter decreases and thinking is clearer, especially as legal costs escalate.

I take it you are joking about settling finances using fisticuffs.

YA

Hello Sealion,

I'm a bit puzzled by this. The court process goes through a set timetable and all along there are opportunities for both sides to settle prior to the Final Hearing which is where I presume you ended up?

The FDR is the hearing whereby most would settle if they come close to an agreement this is pretty early on in the set timetable and although the cost of getting to this stage can be high they are nowhere near the cost of a FH lead up to.

Solicitors are ridiculously expensive which is why we all feel cheated by a "system" that allows them to charge so much - a five minute phone call can cost £30-£35 and very often the conversation is "lost" when the phone goes down.

Believe me regarding costs etc I totally understand your frustration - but I too hope you were joking about "fist-fight"!!?? No agreements are ever reached in this way!!

I did a lot of my own letters and admin but this was possible for me - still had a hefty bill I am paying off now... what a waste it was too - but in my case my ex was being wholly unreasonable and therefore it led to the FH (not my doing either!).

Best to put it all behind you now - there's not a thing we minions can do about it!!

Good luck for a brighter and happier future now things are "sorted".

My point , really ,is that I ended up with more than I originally wanted . Ironically ,I am actually going to be better off ,because of various , unconnected circumstnces (maybe someone "up there " is watching over me ) .
I made her the offer a year ago . Her solicitor wanted to know all sorts of information . When I answered the questions , he asked more . He kept on making little "digs" about me in his letters . In the end , I took out the court order (or whatever it's called) to get things moving .
Our 1st court visot was to decide what questions could be be asked reference our "form E"'s . What a waste of time that was !
I wanted very little from this , just my life back. I have had 18 months of my life stolen , and nothing can get it back
As for fisticuffs , maybe I am not serious , but why has there got to be so much conflict involved ? In the end only the solicitors won , both parties lose ,and , more omportantly , the children often end up the biggest losers !

Hi Sealion,

I do get your point and I really do agree with you... in the "old" days (not so long ago I have to say) when a court would have made an order whereby had your "reasonable offer" not be taken at the outset and it ended up in a court - the judge would look at it and "the other sides" response and probably made an order for costs - your ex would have had to pay your costs because they hadn't accepted a perfectly reasonable offer in the first place - this was scrapped not long ago (I think about April 2006).

I wholly agree with your frustration in the ongoing saga and costs involved - believe me I have been there!

Anyhow, I do hope now you are in a position to have your life back and look forward - sounds to me like you want to get on with it and have a positive outlook - good on you!!

~E:cheer:

Elizabeth wrote:

this was scrapped not long ago (I think about April 2006)

Elizabeth (or any wikiperson)
When were Costs orders scrapped? I am a LiP and was told last week (in a County Court in Kent) that I may be liable to my ex's costs.
I just don't understand WHY!!!!????

He has legal representation; they just keep saying that my claim has "no legal merit". I have offered him mediation for one year now.

I cannot fight this fairly if I am to be liable to his costs. I have done everything to schedule of the Court rulings, even filing Form E's and Questionnaires early.

What can you suggest I do to avert a Costs award?
Sera
xx

Sera,

The costs rule change in April 2006 relates to ancillary relief procedure.

Before the change - costs could be awarded against whichever party was deemed to have 'lost' at the final hearing. If you made an earlier offer that was more generous to your ex than the final order they got from the court then you were the winner - and you would have an argument (but no guarantee) that the court would order your ex to pay your costs.

Since the change - the norm is that each party covers their own costs. You only become potentially liable for the other parties costs if you are judged to have caused unnecessary excess costs through disruptive tactics during the litigation process.

So unless you are doing some clearly disruptive stuff like failing repeatedly to comply with court orders then the threat that you will pay their costs is an empty one.


In fact - when it comes to negotiation tactics the whole costs issue is in your favour. It is almost certain that each party will pay their own costs. He is represented. You are self repping. So for every stage from now to the end he will incur considerable costs whilst you can keep them to a minimum. He has the most to lose. Make it clear to him that this is the case - don't let the buggers get you down with mis-information and empty threats.