How to tell a guy it''s over?

I''ve posted on here a few times about my indecisiveness, insecurities and general uncertainty about the guy I''ve been dating since February.

I was never 100% sure how I felt from the start, but I really wanted to give it a chance and for a while it was going well and I really enjoyed his company.

But I realised last weekend that actually it''s not what I want at all. Lovely guy but I just can''t see a future for us. In fact whenever he has mentioned weekends away or anything in the future it has panicked me and I''ve had major doubts.

So I''ve made the decision to call it a day,and I feel instantly relieved BUT I''m struggling to tell him. I''ve put feelers out for a while about finding it hard to move on, and not being sure what I want etc but he seems to have ignored this and just carried on.

I''ve not seen him all week, and assumed he got the hint but then he sent a message on Friday saying how much he''s missing me. I felt terrible so I txt to say that I felt bad and I couldn''t expect him to wait around for me until I feel ready to move on properly. I told him how lovely he is and that he''s done nothing wrong but I just feel like I need time and space.

He hasn''t replied since. I feel so guilty that I''ve hurt him, and also I''m thinking have I said enough? Does he realise it''s over or do I need to clarify it? I know it''s really cowardly doing it by text but I just can''t face him.

The other problem is he is a member of my gym and I see him every time I go so it''s possibly going to be awkward.

I feel really churned up about it. I feel more like 14 than 41 having to try and ''dump'' a guy but it''s not what I expected to have to do at my age!!

It''s made me realise that I''m more than happy being single. I love my life and I love my independence and I definitely don''t need a man to make me complete.

I guess I just need be brave and honest and tell him how I feel. It''s just hard finding the words.

I think it would be wise to ask him to meet at the gym when you are both usually there for a coffee. I''d ask him for a chance to explain that text properly face to face as you value his friendship and it feels wrong to leave things where they are. If he responds fine, if he doesn''t you''ve done as much as you can.

I don''t think you are asking for time and space though. I think if you do get the chance to explain further it''s worth explaining that you see a future as platonic friends only. He won''t be interested in this, his feelings will probably be hurt but at least you''ve made it clear and not left yourself open to accusations of leaving him dangling whilst he gives you time and space you have asked for in the hope you will want a relationship in the future.

If he ignores any request you make to meet and discuss the situation I''d leave it there. If you see him say hi but it is going to be awkward probably for a while.

You''ve seen him for a few months so I think it''s right at least give him the chance to discuss things with you particularly as he seemed to be wanting to get your relationship on to a more serious footing.

Patsy,
I think you have done ok , very early days for you and I am sure this chap knew what he was getting into, sure you told him what you have just been through, and so he must of known you are struggling etc, don''t stress, you need time, you take care you really do not need anymore hassle. xxxxx

Thanks Shoegirl & Holly I really do value your advice.

I can''t believe I''m feeling so much anguish over this but I''ve felt anxious all week and its because essentially I''m hurting a friend, and I know how hard it is to be rejected. Also, I really don''t want to have to avoid the gym because during the last two years it has become a lifeline to me so I don''t want it to be awkward. Luckily it wasn''t common knowledge, so that will spare his feelings.

I do owe him the respect to tell him face to face but I''m dreading it to be honest. I''m a very sensitive soul. Ive always been a people-pleaser, so I hate hurting anyone''s feelings, especially such a lovely guy.

I''ll be brave and text him now and arrange to meet up asap. I really hope he doesn''t hate me!!!

Ah well I gave it my best shot and it didn''t work out. Onwards and upwards!

patsy,

xxxxxx good luck you take care.
xxx

PHEW!!
I did it. I found the right words. I suggested meeting up but he asked me outright ''do you just need more time or do you want to be just friends?'' so he spared me the ordeal of having to say it face to face.

I told him that I had a really great time (& some of the dates we had WERE really fantastic) BUT I just can''t do the whole relationship thing so it''s better to just stay friends.

I feel a bit gutted now in a way as I would have loved it to have worked with a genuinely nice guy but on the other hand I''m relieved.

Another little chapter over in my life but looking forward to the next few chapters......who knows what they will bring!

Well done Patsy, I am going through a similar thing. I have been dating a guy for about 5 months, he is lovely, we get on really well and have a good laugh at things together and some great chats putting the world to right. However he told me a couple of weeks ago that he doesn''t want a long term relationship, he seems to think that if he makes any sort of emotional attachment he will lose his independence and since he told me that I feel he has shut the door on any kind of future we would have had.
I do feel that people come into our life for a reason. Some stay a short time and some a long time. My short romance has made me realise what I want in my life. I want to fall in love again, I want to be part of a couple, to care for someone and for them to care for me. To tell someone I love them and for them to tell me the same. I''m not bothered about getting married but I do want to live with someone eventually. I''m happy to take one day at a time, enjoy your ride as they say but I at least want some hope that there is a possible future. We have a couple of things booked in June but once they are done I will have the conversation. To be honest I think he may be thinking the same thing. I''m hoping we can stay friends as there are no hard feelings, although it will still hurt when he starts seeing someone else so maybe that won''t happen. It sounds like your romance has made you realise a few things too so don''t feel bad about it. X