Should I give my ex a piece of my mind

Hi All

I'm just looking for your advise. It's my sons 19th birthday today and I can't believe my ex could be so horrible. My ex left me 2 1/2 months ago for someone else, he has moved her in around the corner from us in a flat we jointly own. He has been forcing our 3 children (aged 11,17,19 yrs) to see her from day 1 against my wishes and theirs. Our 2 youngest both girls have been bullied by my ex who has insisted if they want to see him they have to see her as well. I've taken legal advise and told my ex he needs to have regular contact arrangements for our youngest before he can make her spend time with his girlfriend.This lasted 2 weeks and yesterday when he took my daughter out for the day, the girlfriend went along too. My daughter wanted to spend time on her own with her dad but said she doesn't mind seeing the girlfriend if it means she can see her dad!
Anyway my son won't be bullied by his dad and refuses to go around the flat to see him if the girlfriend is there. My ex hasn't seen his son for over a month and today it's my sons birthday and my ex won't come to the house to see him and says unless my son goes around the flat to see him and the girlfriend he won't see my son.
I know my son is very disapointed with his dad, not just the fact that he left me but the way he has treated us since.
I'm really upset and angry with my ex today for hurting our son like this, should I tell him what I think of him or say nothing?

Hi jenny123

Sorry to hear things are not any better.

All I can say is it does not seem like your relationship with your ex can get much worse so at least you would not antagonise the situation if you did give him a piece of your mind. From what you have said the same would go for your son.

Would he expect you to say something? Surely he has to know how awful his behaviour is?

You defenitly have a right to your anger on your sons behalf (not to mention your own) I am not sure it would make a difference to your ex behaviour, but i am sure at least for a while it would make you feel better.

Is he likely to retaliate? and if so are you prepared for that?

If it was me i would definitly give him a piece of my mind. It is bad enough when his selfishness hurts you but when it affects your son (today especially) there is no excuse.

I gave my ex a piece of my mind the other day and while it has not changed anything i did feel better. I also felt like i achieved something, I stood up to him and that felt good.

I would advise that if you do, you try and remain as calm as possible (hard i know) and do not take the bait if he gets nasty(again hard).

Hope things get better for you soon

Hi jenny

When someone is hurting your kids it’s hard not to get angry.

I think him telling how you feel would be a good idea but it needs to be done calmly. Much easier said than done I know.

It may not make any difference to the situation but I think it will make you feel better that you did try to get through to him what he’s doing and how much his actions are upsetting your son.

Hope you get through to him.

Take care

Jude x

Can I put a different perspective on this. Every time my ex comes to see the kids my girlfriend has to go out for the day as my ex wont tolerate somebody else in the house.
Quite frankly why should she move out for the day because a prima donna can't accept the situation. It seems a bit immature of a 19 year to dictate that your ex's girlfriend makes herself scarce because he can't handle it.
I am on the verge of getting my solicitor onto my ex-wife because of her irrational behaviour. No doubt she will accuse me of bullying her but at what point should people accept a situation and move on.
Completely unnecessary expense on my behalf and my ex calls me a control freak.

I actually re-read the first post just to be sure. This has only occured in the last 2 1/2 months. Therefore emotions are a little raw and I totally disagree with Kevin.

Your children are finding it hard enough to cope with your breakup so to force them into seeing the other woman so soon after your break up is selfish and heartless.

Of course in time they should see her and accept the situation but soo soon after a split I think is downright appalling!

Yes give him a piece of your mind and if your son wishes let him say something as well. But think what you are going to say well ahead of the time, not in the heat of the moment as it could go too far and end in a row.

A carefully worded sentence or two might make him realise that far from the children warming to the new woman and acceptig her, he is likely to alienate them even more!! This really is a case of slowly slowly, I'm afraid.

Good luck and choose your timing!

Hi Jenny
I will never understand why the parent that has caused the break up of a marriage and shacked up with another woman/man should feel so shocked that their children do not want to see them parading their latest conquest!!! Just confirms how insensitive they are really, had no thought in cheating, why worry about the children's feelings.
I would say though Jenny, that your son is 19, effectively a young man and I would leave it entirely up to him as to whether or not he wishes to visit his father.
I would not even mention it to his father, silence is sometimes a lot stronger. Your Son in time MIGHT accept the situation, and if he does not then that is his decision. His father eventually will feel a complete let down to his son, he will not need any reminding when the latest floosy swoooooops out of his life???
Take care, I have been through the same situation,unfortunately kids just are 'collateral damage' in the eyes of some, especially when you are all luvved up.
Take care
zara

Thankyou all for your replies.

after reading them, i decided to write my ex a letter - he never listens to anything i've got to say (hangs up all the time after getting abusive)but he phoned me this morning about moving out of the flat so I told him I thought his behaviour to our son is out of order, I can't really go into what he said but he hasn't changed his mind!
I don't really feel any better and just can't understand my ex could be as cold as this towards what he's done and put us through.
I just wanted to say to Kevin my ex moved his girlfriend in within a couple of weeks of moving out and promised our son on two separate occasions there was no-one else involved so my son is hurt that his dad lied to him. Only a week later he moved the girlfriend in. My son is actually acting more mature than his father!
I was with my ex over 24 yrs and he has shown no respect for mine or the childrens feelings. We're going through hell while he is happy parading his bit of stuff to all our neighbours, I've seen them out together several times including a couple of times in my street!!!
I want to move on but I can't at the moment when they are around the corner and I'm constantly being reminded about things:(
Thanks again for your replies