problems with second wife

I married my second wife in June 2010. I have 2 kids from my first marriage who live with their mother and my present wife has 3 kids from her first husband, 2 of whom live with us and 1 with her ex husband. We now have 2 children together ages 21 months and 5 months. My mother got cancer in 2008 and died in September 2011 aged 63.Up to the time she passed away my present wife was wonderful to the entire family and my 3 siblings and their children and my dad. As soon as my mum passed away she blanked the whole family and has refused to talk to anyone including my dad. She has not given anyone any reason for this and it is now 14 months since my mum died and the situation has remained the same. I have been encouraged by my wife to do the same as her and to ignore the entire family including my dad. When our second child was born in July 2012 my father was not asked to come to the hospital until late in the day ,nevertheless her mother was there. She would not allow my sisters to come and see the baby at the hospital. At my mother''s stone setting in September 2012 she hid herself away in the prayer hall and did not have the courtesy to go up to any of the family and hug them. She has put pressure on me to stay away from my sisters and her children and none of them have seen the new baby, my father has seen her twice in 5 months. My father in his continuing state of grief cannot cope with this and has cut himself off from me despite my younger brother''s efforts to encourage me to see him. I am torn between my wife and my family and am scared that if I try and make contact with my family now there will be a second divorce. What do i do.

What do you want to do?

No one can exclude you from your flesh and blood. You and your family have been thru so much recently. And you need to be in touch. So be in touch. But none of this means that you will be divorced or split up or anything and you shouldnt be discouraged from keeping apart from your own family. Stick up for what is right and for yourself. Its only way. C.

Were your wife and mother close? Could she be struggling after your Mum''s passing?

reasonably although I am unsure whether my wife was putting on an act for my sake

Have you tried talking to her more recently about it? Would she consider grief counselling maybe?

Its a difficult situation and i imagine you feel trapped between a rock and a hard place! I would be tempted in your situation to let her know you respect her decision to not be part of your extended family and support her in making that decision for herself but let her know that you wont be making the same decision and you dont think its fair it should be imposed on the children aswell. If nothing else it might open up a conversation which will help you identify why she has made the decision she has.

Sounds like abuse to me.

Do whats right for you.

If she don''t want to see you''re family and you can tolerate that even that''s one thing.
Personally i''d tell her that her nutter behaviour wouldn''t be stopping me and the kids seeing them.
All the best
HRH x