Feeling confused and lost again today

Hi all

Why do those bad days come along and just knock you sideways again. I have been dreading the summer holidays off as I knew I would have too much time to think. Spent the first week very busy, going out, meeting friends etc. but the last two or three days have had more time and wham! feel low, low, low again.

Husband has been in touch showing concern for me as my father was taken to hospital at the beginning of the week - suspected heart attack (thankfully not). He has been ringing and texting asking if I am okay and to wish my Dad well.

This time last week I was being threatened with a solicitors letter for divorce (which hasn't arrived yet) and now a small glimmer of kindness again.

Spent yesterday thinking about his affair and what they did together and felt like I was going to lose my mind. The grief is so painful. Feel lost again and need some strength from somewhere.

Only another four weeks until I go back to work!

Thanks for listening


Linda

x

Awwwww Linda,
You are really going through the mill at the moment, aren't you?

Not surprised you are feeling lost and confused when all that is going on. Bad enough dealing with Dad and school holidays in isolation, let alone husband doing jeckyll and hyde from halfway around the world.

Scream, shout, throw things (prefarably his), go for a walk, buy yourself a HUGE bar of chocolate, some flowers and a box of wine. RUn a nice hot scented bath with candles. Chill.

You are doing extremely well in the circumstances. It's OK to feel sorry for yourself when it all gets a bit too much.

You spoil yourself rotten today and tomorrow, things won't seem quite so bad.

Take care of yourself,

Mike

Hi Linda. Yes the bad days do knock you sideways. This is very common and everyone goes through this. But it does lesson with time. You just have to hang on in there. Try and keep busy. That way you will avoid thinking about it. Its natural that you want to think about what they did together. To be honest, its best to do it now then later. As you dont want these thoughts to come back later on when you are well into recovory.

Perhaps he feels sorry for you and thats why he is contacting you about your dad. As adults we are supposed to seperate out the maritual feelings from the family responsibilties and its right and proper that he offers you support at your time of need. Unfortunatly its hard to seperate out these acts of duty from acts of kindness and you end up feeling bad.

There are no short cuts I am afraid. You have to live your divorce process your way. Saying that. There are loads on here that are going thru the same as you and we are here for you. You will feel better tomorow. C

Hi Linda
I really hope your dad is recovering and ok now.

I also hope your Ex keeps up being concerned about you at this time. The jeckyll and hyde behaviour is difficult to understand, Ive been there and it really throws you for six. We get used to the awkwardness, are suprised by the concern then even more suprised when they revert back.

Look after yourself. Take care

Tinny

Thank you all - been and had a manicure to cheer myself up - it's worked a bit so will open a bottle of wine later and see if that helps some more!

I definitely do better with no contact - I have to be stronger - when he contacts me like this I find myself thinking is it because he still wants me or is at as you say just duty and concern. I prefer being angry - it's easier to cope with.

Thanks guys


Linda

X

Hello Linda,

I am so sorry to read your story, and can sympathise with the roller coaster of emotions that you are going through. If it helps I think that we all go through it, but the peaks and troughs do lessen over time.

I often view it as a roller coaster that both of you are riding. Occasionally one is high when the other is down and vice versa. Occasionally you are both at the same place at the same time. All of this can make communication very difficult, both how it is delivered and also how it is recieved. The hard part is how to control how you react to the contact. Somethimes something can be meant one way but is recieved differently and we can then over analyse while we look for a deeper meaning.

I guess the only way that I have learned to cope is to live for the moment and not dwell on the past. It helps to try to make plans for the future and to try to realise some of your personal dreams and aspirations that you have previously been unable to make happen. Give your self small steps of activity every day and reward yourself for completing them.

I know that this can be hard to put into reality, but overtime it becomes easier and makes you stronger and rebuilds your self esteem.

I hope that this may help

Hi Linda,
sorry to hear how you feel. I also work in school and am also struggling with school holidays. Both teenage sons went away, the younger one is back but it does not make me feel much better, he needs his freedom and I need to try not to depress him with my behaviour.I was relieved when the holidays started because I thought it will be good that I will not have to keep my despair and tears inside and I will be free to cry, shout, not get out of bed etc. It was good from that point of view and I also had time to learn a lot about divorce from this site and decided that I will start the divorce on grounds of adultery.
Today I also feel quite depressed, I don't feel very well (I have quite a serious health problem) and that makes my future look very bleak. He used to be very nasty and the people on this site made me realize that it is quite common, as they are trying to justify to themselves what they have done and project the feeling of their guilt on us. He is better now and expresses concerns about my health when he talks to our son. I still insist on no contact because it is too upsetting for me. I guess it is nice to know he still cares but then again it does not take all the horrible things he said and has done away.
I have decided to go now and do some research for my September lessons and see if that will take my mind of it.
HOpe you feel better soon.
smet