Your adive please on my relationship breakdown

My situation is as follows

Married nearly four years ago and very much in love after spending nine years together

three months after getting married my two children from my previous marriage return for christmas as they lived in southern Eire. Me and my wife had been going over to eire for some nine years once a month and for holidays over here.

The children came back at christmas 2004 and told me of the step father abusing them both mentally and physicaly

We all sat down and discussed what to do and the children begged not to returned home.

My wife wasnt happy that i said they could stay here and i knew this but was stuck as i couldnt return the children back into that

we started 2005 okay it was like a holiday and the children got good schools quickly and we settled as a family. After three mnths the children started picking at April because she no longer sat back and let dad have his time with his children. I have another house where we lived before the children returned and I uggest my wife spend two night a week there to get some me time as this was very difficult for her. Things over the next year didn't go that well my daughter stole my wifes clothes and did things to them before putting them back. My wife was angry because I couldnt side with her. She kept telling me to send them back and I knew the children couldnt go back.

Now after 3.5 years the wife has left. My daughter already has her own flat and my son is also looking at moveing out.

My wife said she feels alone in the marriage, unloved and unsupported.

She said the children where the biggest reason as I was more obsessed by them that her. She said my sons untidyness and smell and unclean state was a major fact and the smell was so bad. She moved all her bolongings out of the house she had her me time in and has redirected her post. We only recently spent time together at this house where I was clearing out the loft and the garage so we could move stuff from one house over to this house as I am selling up to clear debts.

She said the though of my son in this house was impossible said she doesnt know hwat she wants but has to go.

She has emailed me to say she cant talk as the decision she made to leave was a very hard decision but she couldnt see any other way to go.

I have continued to move stuff to the house we bought and will sell the little house as i had previously said I will do

I am now going to move to the big house where all her memories are on my own if I can get the boy a flat.

This is such a mess no communication with someone I have been with for 13 years. I miss her and understand how difficult it must have been for her to come to this decision after all the things we have been through. She has been there for me through all the tripe to Eire and the issues I've had with my ex and the children.
I do feel I ve let her down as I wasnt there for her but i feel i was stuck in the middle of three people. I tried a calendar with each day and weekend split up so i could share myself around all three. This was a impossible situation for me and my wife.

I am now alone with nothing. I have two houses and it is all worthless.

Your comments and advice is appreciated on this terrible mess I have made

Ricky

Hi Ricky
sorry to hear your story. You sound very sad and confused.
I am sure that there are still many days/months of sadness to come - but I hope you and your family will keep a good realtionship going and that you get support here and from friends and family.
((((hug)))
Jo

Thanks jo14 but my friends where her friends husbands and theve closed rank. My family is another story my mother told my wife in front of my family that it wasnt she didnt like my wife it was the fact she hates my wife. This in front of my wife was very upsetting for her and me about a year and a half ago. My mother is a nasty piece of work and was the same to my ex wife. My dad is lovely but my mum hen pecks him . I dont have any other family to say of. My only close friends are tired of me I'm sure and I dont bother them .

Ricky

I am sure your friends are not fed up of you at all - thats just your self esteem making you feel bad about yourself!!
there is lots of support on this website and in the chat room, as well as lots of advice.
take care
x

Hiya

I know you are upset by the breakdown of your marriage but what concerns me is that way at times she had treated your children , she knew you had children and it has to be a case of take on me take on my children, nobody would send children back to a home they are being abused in.Without knowing the ins and outs of your story maybe i am a little harsh here but seems a bit of a kop out now 1 of your children have left home and the other is looking at leaving home.

I would say i'm obessed with my children and if a new partner cannot handle that then please close the door on your way out.As you say you have felt stuck in the middle i bet you have you could never please all of them that was going to be impossible.

Don't blame yourself you have needed support too it's not you alone that has created this mess, who was there for you at those times when you needed support? now you have found wiki you will have alot of support from loads of us on here will always listen to each others rants.

Take care

Ricky,

You have not let her down so please don't think that. What you must remember is you did what was right for your children and put them first which is what all parents should do. Take one day at a time and look after yourself. Poppie

Thanks but it doesn't help the feeling of what at total mess is around me and what I have be left to cope with. The worst thing is no communication though I suppose if we did have commuication we wouldn't be able to get over the split or move on.

My children dont seem bothered by her leaving and dont seem concerned about my loss. they still bicker about the most stupid things. Everything seems trivial and worthless compared to what is going on .

Ricky