The anger has arrived.......

It is something that could be forgiven but it is not the reason for the end of our marriage.... simply something I found out as a result. He left me because ... he was unhappy.... just didnt think to tell me till it was too late.
I would be happy to go to Relate but apparently there is 'no point'!!!

Just disappointed as the one thing I always believed we had above everything else was trust and honesty. Kids found out about this lie before I did and they are making him suffer. Ashamed is not the word.

Regarding the letter, don't worry wont really send it ..... just makes me smile thinking of his reaction (and other peoples) if I really did!!!!!!

Hi Jessie. My H told me he was unhappy. What I found out later was it was just an excuse to carry on seeing her. My fault you see. I made him unhappy. Jo is right and I do it too. Keep a diary. It helps to get things out on paper. It is there as a record also on how you are improving even though you do not realise it xx

Once that trust or faith in someone is gone, it can be a painful blow. Lies cannot be taken back or undone and to me it is the intent behind them that I foind most difficult to deal with. And anger at finding this out is totally understandable - grrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Hi JessieJ,

I think all the posts have a common ground and that is anger is part of the emotional pain of the break-up - it is really unpleasant being lied to and what may seem unimportant to an outsider is important to you, it's the principal of it and you obviously have high standards and principals which is no bad thing at all and good for your children.

I too have been lied to and had deceitful behaviour bestowed upon me by my ex - and to an extent his family and certainly our children. I feel highly frustrated by this as other people have often found out too late and he "gets away" with it.

However, I try and hold my head high and rise above this -I am not a coward and I do not need to lie or deceive so, I will, to the best of my ability set an example to our children.

As for how to deal with this anger, I struggle. Writing it down and re-reading what's written and then shredding it/burning it helps - it gets it all out without causing anyone else harm and it keeps your dignity. The writing it down stops the "sharks snapping around in your head" when trying to get to sleep!

Re-directing it through taking up interests that you have never contemplated doing before - remember whilst you are angry you are spending energy on this person who does not deserve a blink of an eye! Anything which takes you out of the norm.

Thinking of things you would like to do as revenge BUT NEVER CARRYING THEM OUT! Believe me, it does help - try and think of things that would amuse you and others but embarrass him - BUT DON'T ACTUALLY DO IT!! It's the "DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME SYNDROME"!!

Everyone on this site will help you get through this, send me a p.m. if you like and see if that helps..

I found out that some people knew about what was going on and chose not to do anyting about it and I have a real problem with them now too, to the extent that I now do not want to speak to them or have anything to do with them. It may well be that it isn't their fault that they were told, but to me it's what they did with that information that irks me

Jessie, I envy you for your anger. One year down the line I still had no anger, just incredible sadness. Its eating me up from the inside, I know it and cant help it. Please do stop yourself only short of hurting someone innocent,but let it out!

I was so in angry mode yesterday, I can relate... today bit wobbly but I think possibly anger stage is a progression??? Lets all hope hey.... your not alone in your thoughts and feelings - Ive found that from this site and it does offer relief to get it out - thanks all that post - not only is it a source of release I find it a source of therapy too - especially when you are questioning your friends regards who knows/knew what.


Love to all wiki peeps:kiss: and thank you