Lies Lies Lies!!

Hello All
I am sure that this has probably been discussed before but i could really do with some help with how you actually come to terms with the lies told by a cheating spouse.

My divorce is nearly sorted but me heart is still a long way from recovery. I still find myself finding things that he has lied about and it drives me crazy:angry: I also get very cross with myself for believing all the crap he fed me over the last two years.

I just wondered how anyone else has released themselves from this mental torture.

Thanks
Mirfield:side:

Lies and the intent that goes with them is one of the most hurtful things in situations like this. I can never forgive my x2b for the lies she's told me - big lies, little lies, carefully thought out lies, off the cuff lies, on and on and on.

Just let each lie that you find out about remind you that you're better off without that kind of cruelty in your life and that you don't have to put up with it any more.

You've moved on, don't let any remiders of the past hurts drag you back

Sun
x

I think it is the lies and betrayal that hurt the most. My ex lied for 12 months until he eventually admitted his affair. Over that time he told me so many lies and I always believed every excuse he came up with. Even now that hurt is still there and I hope in time it will fade and I can be at peace.

Hi Sun

Thanx for that. I think you're right about reminding me about moving on, but as you say i can't forgive the deceit and alot of it was just stupid and hurtful.

Mirfield x

Hi
To me this is the worse bit, i am over the worse, and the love soon goes when i realise, what he has done. How can someone who said he loved me every day, cuddled me in bed, made sure i was safe, suddenly have some silly ow say she wants him, and he says. oh ok, i'll go then, forget the last 30yrs. I have a new life, get on with yours. goodbye!

No what it is, he has burned his bridges, and being guttless, his survival instincs come into play, and off he goes like a spinless coward! And yes, we are stuck in limbo asking this same bloody silly question, probably forever. Aaaargh.


Look back over the threads. I AM STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD!!!!!!!!!

Sorry Mirfield, what was the question?

Joy xx

Hi Joy,

Sadly I know how you feel. Somehow it hurts with what has actually happened,the affair whatever, but it's the lies that cut the deepest. Somehow it is more hard to come to terms with what has been said rater than done. Especially when deep down you know something isn't right but can't put your finger on it. Yet they come up with an excuse that is plausible and you believe them. Yet somehow the hairs on the back of your neck are standing up, you still want to believe them, it's either that or cause and argument and be accused of being suspicious!!

It is so hard when you love someone and wouldn't have an affair yourself because of the above and because you take your marriage vows seriously. If we're honest we've all been tempted butdon't!

Everyone keeps telling me it gets better, it does with time and then something silly catches you off guard and then bingo you're almost back to square one. and that's the important bit you don't go back to quite the awful first stage and each time you "regress" it's not as far as the first time. But by god it hurts but it gets less.

I don't know if this makes sense, all I can say is hang in there. Remember the good times, but don't dwell. If you're havng a really bad day at handling things try to remember all the things that he did that really really irritated you. Think of any thing mean that he did and then say to yourself, "well at least I don't have to put up with that anymore"

Silly things like leaving the loo seat up so you fall down the loo in the middle of the night & get a cold bum.

I hope this helps but I find this gets me through the toughest of days.

Take care we're all here to help each other. Try some of the chat rooms sometimes they are light sometimes honest butusually there is someone who will make you smile - even through the tears.

Divorce only means you are legally separated. You yourself decide when you are apart. He probably did it years ago, you have just started going down that lane.
Give yourself time, dont think in soaps time frame. You need several years to recover even if "they" do it in a few weeks.
Think of you as a widow. You are a widow the moment he dies.. but you need years to recover.You are the widow of your marriage..