Aggression = shame, embarrassment or pay back ?

Well, I tried an experiment today.

I met up with my ex! I showed no bitterness, no anger or anything of that sort (even though I feel these things!)

I was happy, chatty and smiley and didn't discuss the past.

My reason for this is to try to stop her projecting her guilt upon me. If she doesn't see me, she can build me into a monster to ease her guilt; but seeing me as I am will make this more difficult with her. I have no illusions about us getting back together, I just want to stop the anger and vicious emails and texts that she sends.

It all went really well and I am hopeful that at least things will become civil now. In an ideal world, she will realise the terrible things that she has done but I doubt this very much! it would be nice but it is not likely.

Andy

Don't know if I could do that yet, i'm usually civil but there are thousands of questions and accusations running round in my head. Well done, perhaps i'll get there one day.

Believe me it was DIFFICULT!!!

I think that sometimes it's good to do the unexpected though. It was difficult for SO many reasons.

1) I still love her
2) I also despise here because she broke up my family
3) I miss my children terribly and I am bitter that I can't bring them up
4) A whole load of other things and tough emotions!

Despite all that, I hope some good will come of it and it will make this agonising trip to divorce just a little less painful.

Andy

I wouldn't know whether to slap him or kiss him, but he'd probably run a mile either way. Probably the most difficult thing is no contact at all, no opportunity to talk or shout.

Hopefully the house will eventually sell and I can move on and start again and leave him behind, I doubt whether i'll ever see him again and not sure how I feel about that but it isn't going to change so I have to accept it.

I'm definitely going to have to go and see the new Will Smith move this weekend, I need a good laugh.

No matter which way you look at it, there is no good solution. Acceptance is the only way forward. Nevertheless, perhaps there is sometimes the least worst option and that is the best I can hope for.

Andy

My marriage broke down due to my x2b's alcoholism and him choosing to continue drinking rather than saving our marriage. He made it clear he blamed me for everything that had gone wrong in our marriage, and in particular,, his drinking. He refused to join in any family activites, prefering to drink,

My S2BX left in March having been heavily drinking/ alcoholic, staying up all nite, not coming home, pub every day, business failed. It has been a relief to get rid of the lump of misery that he had become but am now having problems with when he has our daughter (5yrs old) she is coming home telling stories of drinking parties, shouting, getting the adults drinks, clearing up in the morning when he was still in bed. Have confronted him by email - he still says that it's my fault he drinks! after 3 months not living with me? He says I am blowing it all out of proportion. No OW he's too drunk/stoned to get that together. His hands shake every day.

I'm still the bad guy when all i want is to protect the most precious little girl..... can't win, if i stop her seeing him i'll be the bad one, if I continue I'm worried that she's not being properly looked after

Just had another row - is all ok if i never say anything but how can you keep quiet when it's your only child??

Good luck to all the people out there... you are not alone.

The best revenge is to be happy

HI Astra

Welcome to wiki

I wish I had some practical advice to offer you in regards to your daughter visiting your x2b, but Im at a loss as to what to say, other than you know its not your fault he still drinks, and how could any parent behave like that when their child is there? You are not the "bad guy", you are the responsible, caring parent how has her daughter's best interests at the forefront. Our x2bs sound as though they came from the same mould.

"The best revenge is to be happy" - my thoughts precisely!! I am now far happier than I ever was with him, my children no longer live in fear, and I have met a wonderful man who makes realise that I do have a future. I hope that one day, you too will be happy.

Anytime you feel like some company, just pop into the chat room, you will be made very welcome.

Take Care
Ruby xx