Ex Wife and Girlfriend Trouble

MY ex wife left 10 months ago and shortly afterwards made threats of violence against any partner that I may get. My ex turns up every couple of weeks to see the kids.
Since then I have found a girlfriend and she has come on holiday from overseas to stay and I have been contemplating what to do to avoid a confrontation. I was going to take the girlfriend away to avoid a conflict when my ex was around.
My ex is coming to see the kids on Sunday and now the girlfriend thinks that she is a second class citizen and why should she move out for the day. I agree but I know what my ex wife is capable of.
I am now trying to make peace with my girlfriend even though the only thought I have for my ex is how I stop her taking me to the cleaners over the divorce settlement.
How do I resolve this. I can see that I am going to get a pasting from both sides now.
The ex will be happy that she has wrecked my life and the girlfriend will storm off as she thinks she is no 2 to my ex.

Hi Kevin

Sounds like an akward situation!

Does your ex see the children on her own, or do you have to stay while she is there? If you dont have to be there, prehaps you could suggest to your g/f that once things are settled with the children and thier mum for the day, you could both enjoy some time alone, lunch out, or a walk, while the kids and mum are together? Prehaps plan a romantic picnic, to show your g/f what she means to you?

If this isnt possible, just be honest with your g/f and tell her about the previous threats made by your x, and that you are only trying to stop a nasty situation arising, and one that you do not wish your children in particular to witness. Reasure your g/f that she is in no way second to you - easier said than done, I know.

good luck

ruby x

Does your ex know that you have a girlfriend, and that she is staying with you?

If not then you are running the risk that she will either meet with her or hear about her through your children in some way.

To my mind there is no choice but to face up to her, tell her about your girlfriend and make it clear that it is none of her business.

Hard to do, easy to say, but probably the right thing to do.

Good luck

GM

No I haven't told the ex yet. She isn't the sort that you have that sort of conversation with. She on the otherhand moved in with her boyfriend 3 months ago but hasn't yet told me.
Now quite frankly I don't care. The only reason that I haven't told her yet is that she may well pitch up when I am at work..
If there was to be a confrontation I thought it would be best if I was there.
The situation with the kids is tricky. She comes to the house to see them for two reasons. One she won't spend any money on them so a trip to the cinema is out and they don't like being dragged off to the ex's friend's houses for the day. The youngest is 8 so I can't just up and leave him.
The trouble at the moment is that the g/f isn't talking to me now, oh well!

and the girlfriend will storm off as she thinks she is no 2 to my ex.

Tell her that for the time and situation being she is second to your kids, not your wife. And only for one day for it helps the kids. If she cant accept that she will not accept that you are a single Dad with a huge responsability.

Sorry, sounds harsh, I know, but Ex and NEXT are very often in fight and if you have an Ex who still wants to play the first violin and a Next who wants as well life wont be smooth music but a lot of noise for you. She knew you had kids so she needs to prove that she understand what thats mean for you and your relationship. Both are sharpening their claws, the kids will be the ultimare victims.

You are not going to be able to avoid this for ever, sooner or later you are going to have to tell her. Your choice, you either continue to live with it over your head, and your new relationship will suffer or you get it over and done with, deal with the outcome and move on!

Good luck

GM

Yea, I knew that I would have to deal with it sooner or later. I just need to get the g/f back on side so that we can put up a joint front. I should add that the g/f has 2 kids in her own right, not with her right now so it wasn't a case of taking on just somebody elses kids.