Words of wisdom

I know we all come on here for advice but i haven't actually seen a post on what we shouldn't do. Anyway, I thought I would tell you of the mistakes I.have made so far:
1. Solicitor advised me to stay in marital home with children and lock the door. My hubby is a very nasty man and I knew that if I did that he would erupt and he would end up getting into trouble with police. - Mistake No 1.
I left with bare essentials and youngest. He then got police involved so I couldn't get back into the house. Cant do anything about it now.
2. Cancel all joint accounts and credit cards as you are liable for any debts with your name on.
3. Dont bad mouth your ex. The truth will out in the end.
4. Try not to get other members of family involved.
5. If not on speaking terms, break all contact with them and leave solicitors to sort it out. Very hard when kids are involved.
6. Tell family and friends that although you want someone to listen to you, however well intentioned their opinions are, unless you are asking for their advice you are not wanting their take on the matter.

I know I drone on but anyone else got some words of wisdom!!!

During the agreeable period, when he says, after making some astonishingly generous promises regarding finances for the children,

"Don't you trust me - Do you want me to write all that down ?"

DON'T say "NO - I TRUST YOU TO STICK TO YOUR WORD"

!!!!!!!!!!

poppy

(live and learn)

I got a letter from Sky TV re arrears. It was in my name. He had stopped payment through joint account and bought it again in his name. I was mortified to read they were sending debt collector round to collect payment for something I hadn't even used for over 6 months. After I'd calmed down, rang Sky and explained situation. Also told them that they could go round and collect TV, video etc as I had no money. Of course he had to pay it then. Poor girlfriend probably missed out on a restaurant date cos of that one.

write everything down so no miss-communication can occur - nor can your stbx state that you have said something else ....

Hi Lillyann,

You say – try not to get other members of family involved.

The problem is that it is only close family and friends that know you well enough to identify the truth from the lies. My wife accuses me of turning them against her. My reply is that they KNOW her, her counsellor and new buddies in her support group don’t KNOW her.

Hi The trouble is nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. My parents are the only ones who believe me. Oh and the good lord!!!

Hi there

My few tips

1. If you are going to have a solicitor, see or speak to 2 or 3 for a free half hour. Don't go with the one who promises you everything (you won't get it); dont go with the incredibly aggressive one, unless you have pots of money that you dont mind handing over and you want the process to take twice as long as needed; BUT do go with the one that makes you feel comfortable, safe, and that you get on with. Divorce is by and large hell - don't pick someone who can make that worse. Oh - ask each for a global costs estimate. This is more important than the hourly rate - a cheap lawyer can cost more than an expensive one in the long run, if they take twice as long as the more expensive one to do everything.

2. Sticking with the solicitor theme - ask what you can do to keep your costs down. I always tell my clients at the outset that I am happy to be lazy and let them draft as much as they can if they feel they can and they want to - so should your lawyer. There are lots of things in the process that you can do yourself.

3. If you are self repping dont treat the stbx's solicitor/barrister as the enemy - they have a duty to help you (but not advise you) as far as possible - use it!

4. Get a financial order - please! A Consent Order need not be an expensive affair and it is the only way to finalise the finances. If you dont, your stbx can make an application whenever they want...and the relevant asset pot is that at the time of the application - not that at the time of the divorce .

Amanda