Stil in love with my ex

Apologies if this isthe wrong place for this & being so pathetic but I can't talk.to friends on this & I need to off load. My ex & I split 6 years ago. He left, 'i love you, but not in love with you etc'. We'd been together 25 years. he left for someone else but they have now split & ever since that happened its thrown me into turmoil.all the old feelings are still there. Im with someone new, nice guy, but just not my ex. My ex & I had dialogue over the weekend over a neural topic, & he said he hopes we can be friends. My head tells me stay well clear, I know I would never be able to trust him but my heart cant stop loving him. His sister, my best friend, says beware, & my new man would drop me like a shot if he knew. How do I stop feeling like this?

first of all you should not live a lie.
If, you still have feelings for your ex, you have to question if you should be with this man.
You have to go with your instinct soemtimes, if the first feeling is stay away then go with that.
Maybe your new man is not right for you.

For too long we live with hidden feelings sometimes and try to hope that in the long run things will be ok.

Thanks for the response, ive been with the new man for about 5 years, but only close friends knew until recently, he's had a couple of failed relationships, he sensibly thought it might be a rebound relationshil on my part & we both felt it better for both sets of kids not to introduce someone else too soon. I pushed for it to be in the open & feel awful if I end it now. Am I throwing away a decent man over my out of control emotions. Ironically despite my hatred for the other woman I now wish she& my ex hadnt split up. When they were together I knew there was no chance of us getting g back together. Now I feel like ive gone back 6 years, wondering what if & feeling rejected all over again!

Hi
i believe we should all go forwards not backwards.
If it was me i know that all the old hurt would just be laying there festering. I would never be able to trust him and would be waiting for him to pull that rug out from under me again. Thats no way to live.
Your remembering him from when everything was all rosy not from when the glasses came off.
Like Bobbin said if your thinking this while you are with this guy maybe he isan't the one for you.
Take care Nanny

Hi Unimum. I suspect that a number of factors are at work here.

He left you for someone else. You would have felt the loss and the rejection for this and perhaps you wanted something you couldnt have.

He split with the person he left you for. Perhaps you felt closure after this event and maybe had hopes of a reconciliation.

You have renewed yr friendship with him and this has led you to perhaps having hopes that something may happen between you.

And all this has perhaps made you feel that you still have feelings for him. This is not that unusual.

Its very hard to put aside a relationship that you have had for a long time. Not many relationships last for 25 years. The norm is 12 years. And even after 12 years its hard to just set it aside.

His sister is telling you to stay away from him. Which is good advice. As being with him may just rekindle feelings that you have for him which will cast doubts on yr new relationship. From what you have said, this is happening already as you said "he is not yr ex". Sometimes we are attracted to "forbiden fruit" sort of like if someone tells we shouldnt do something we want to do it all the more.

Of course you could perhaps intime rekindle the relationship with this old flame. But where will it leave you? He cheated on you once and he could use the feelings you have for him against you and do it again. Why did he split up with the person that he left you for? Its highly likely that he cheated on her also.

Bottom line Marsh stylee. This man cheated on you. Left you for someone else. U suffered a lot of pain becuase of this man. And you think that he is better than yr new partner? What part of this ex is better than yr new man? Yr new man dont cheat on you. Dont disrespect you and treats you well. On the other hand, yr ex used and abused you. Did the dirty on you. And you are thinking that he is better than yr new man? Sorry I think you must have fell and bumped yr head girl.

This ex of yrs is no good. I would take the advice of yr ex sister in law and give him a wide birth. Concentrate on this new man becuase he is part of yr future. This ex is part of yr past that is dead and burried.

Sorry if I offended you. I dont mean to. Its just there isnt any nicer way to say it. I think that yr making a big mistake and risking yr future by dalying with this old flame. Leave the past where its supposed to be. In the past. C.

Unimum,

What Marshy has said is correct. Read and take in the advice as best as you can.

I don't think that you ever really stop loving a person that you spent a lifetime with, regardless of how it ended. But you have to look at what he put you through and why it ended?

I know I miss what we had especially what we had as a family unit. Somewhere I know that I will always deep down love the person I was with but certainly not the person he has become.

Unimum do not sell yourself short. Take time out and do not rekindle anything that could send you hurtling back 6 years.

Think long and hard and if you are not sure about the new man, then do not break his heart please.

Best of luck take care for now FoS x

Thanks everyone for.taking the time to respond. Wise words, I know are true & I will try to take on board