Losing mutual friends

Daisy040 wrote:

he's lost them all, well i say that he's not made any effort to contact any of our friends, (he's guilty as hell thats why he's not contacted them)

now he's just got his new work collegues

me ? im the lucky one...i have the support and love from all our friends..

i still feel sad for him though....someone please get that feeling out of me !!!

Daisy
xx

Similar situation here Daisy. Mine has chosen her 'other life' over pretty much everything she had here. I feel for her as her other relationship seems to have fallen apart and now she's left trying to patch up the wreckage she's left behind. It's impossible not to care about someone you've loved for so long to, no matter how much they're just reaping what they've sown

Sun

This is quite and awkward topic for me, as when we split, we agreed a phrase, which was some thing like “we were both equally at fault”, which is what we told our friends and family.

The reason that it is awkward is that everybody, who knew me reasonably well, i.e. real friends and close family, knew exactly how she had treated me, and that I was a great husband and dad, and that she was the key reason for our split.

Our mutual friends have all subjected me to a load of stuff around, why I should have dumped her years ago, how horrible she was, one even said that she would tell her husband how lucky he was in comparison with me, when ever they had a falling out! And she is somebody my ex would at one time have considered to be one of her closest friends.

Another element, is that my in-laws are not so keen on her new man, in fact her brother cant stand him at all and my ex-mother in law refers to me as the nice son in law, which when she first said I replied that “I was her only son in law and not for much longer”, she gave me a wink?

All in all the agreed position of mutual blame made it easier, for me to go, as I could stop trying to convince her that she was to blame, and the arguments came to an end.

The friends that we collected via my children’s schools, mums and dads, don’t know how to act around us when we go to school events together, especially if new bloke is around.

Hopefully it will change over time, if I can forgive her so can everybody else?

GM

my stbx has arbitrarily decided that some of our really good friends are only her friends by association i.e she met them though me.

I find this hard to understand as they have been in touch with her and she seems fine with them when they call but then she doesn't call them at all (she used to call 2 of them all the time).

I do see them on a frequent basis and the only thing they ask is if things are any better. I do not get involved in a discussion with them as I feel it is unfair on them and do not want them to takes sides. My stbx thinks all we do is talk about her. They all tell me that she no longer makes them feel like she wants to talk to them which is just about the only that is said about her (I talk to my dad and a really good friend who is not close to my stbx).

In fact one couple asked her round for dinner recently. She made excuses, didn't go and she told our daughter she felt the only reason they asked is because I was away (they didn't know that when they asked her). My daughter could not understand her decision and I find it difficult to understand that she can do that and cut herself off from these friends.

For me loosing Xs friends never gave me one moments loss of sleep, apart from the nightmares of having a family of meatloafs and a weasel slipping into the dreams now and again :-)what sober friends we had left X along time ago,