Losing mutual friends

Hi all, I don't recall seeing anyone asking the following... but how have you coped with losing mutual friends? I have to admit I have no major worries about H and I splitting, I am trying to be positive about life on my own. But, I have spent more hours and more tears crying over a loss of a girlfriend, who was a mutual friend, and due to circumstances is in H's life quite a bit (there is nothing going on, believe me, it is platonic). But, I am so hurt, so upset by her lack of sensivitity to me (H had someone else waiting in the wings until I was gone and my friend knows this). I have parted company with her and have told her why, but I so want to be in touch with her and have her back as my friend. I miss her. I'm not really after advice, just your own experiences. Thanks. C.

I recently telephoned someone who was a "mutual friend" of my x and I before divorce began.She couldn't get off the phone quick enough and definately couldn't make any time to catch up with a coffee and a chat.This was from a friend aged in her fifties who previously had made several offers of help if I ever needed it.Needless to say it was all hot air.I felt embarrassed ,not for myself but for her.
She knew she was behaving badly,her guilt was obvious by the way she couldn't even give a reasonable or belieavable excuse.
and no it didn't bother me.
The truth will always out so they say and when she finally hears the truth of my marriage and the hell and suffering I endured then she'll feel even worse and so she should.

I've lost a whole group of mutual friends since my ex and I split in January - not heard from any of them.

I found this very painful and upsetting but have taken the view that if they were real friends, they would have been in touch. It's as simple as that. If they are going to take sides, then frankly, I don't want them as my friends.

I have other friends that have been so supportive to both me and my ex and still include me in everything (maybe more than him but hey! I'm not crying on his behalf )

DG x

i just dont want to talk to mutual friends because I fear they are talking/judging ect behind my back ... i am just insecure and paranoid but I feel this is also an untouched upon problem in realtion break ups that those cheating oinsignificant halfs fail to consider... am I just bitter or should it be like property anything you had before the realtionship should remain your own? why is my stbx out wit my friends???????

I wouldn't like my x to be out with my friends either.I would be wondering how often I was the topic of conversation and why? a reasonable assumption I think.

I've been very lucky in that I've been the one to be surrounded by all 'our' friends while she has chosen to go off with her new friends (work mates) and this other guy. My friends have been absolute stars and have supported me and saved me more than I could easliy tell them. The one good thing that has come out of all this is that I've realised how very, VERY lucky I am to have them and that, with their help, I can be ok no matter what happens

When I first found out about the affair I didn't really see many of my friends, because I felt ashamed of and embaressed by what had happened. In fact the only people I did see were people who already knew because she had told them, (altho why she decided to tell mutual friends, before she told me , on my birhtday! is beyond me tbh). It took a good while before I could tell people what was going on, partly because I hated blubbing in front of them, which is invariably what happened. But when I did they rallied round better than I had any right to expect. There are a few people who knew about the affair in the early days and chose not to say anything, but to sit back and watch my life mess up (or even offer advice that we should separate, so that this affair could carry on easier!), and I have cut those people out of my life and I wouldn't be bothered if I never saw them again

Sorry for rambling a bit

Mutual friends are kind of in a no win situation. They cannot truly be a friend to both of you, giving 100% support, 100% confidentiality else they will go nuts in some kind of power struggle.

They will be caught between two stools and is not a nice position to be in.

If the friend takes a back seat then they are seen as not being supportive and if they are there for you it may be seen as favouritism by you or you other half

As I said no win situation.

The worst is when your friends are a married couple too. the guys bond and the girls bond and it can cause problems in their marriage too !!!!

Very difficult to strike the correct balance in these situations.

Mike