Mediation - does this sound realistic ?

Oh you made me laugh. I am sure mine may ask for a DNA test at some point !! I think my problem is I am still attempting to deal with the man I thought I knew and loved and he doesn't exist anymore. I am glad to hear I am not the only one who clearly did nothing useful during the marriage!!!

I see your point about spm. I probably should wait and see what Friday brings before I rule anything in or out. It's just hard to have a starting point of 'you don't deserve anything' and then to know what a court might view as fair. I really don't have a clue.

Already written my letter to the solicitor- just haven't been brave enough to press send yet.....

Hi,
The other woman's finances will come into it. If he's already living with her, then he will need to disclose her assets too. Just apply for the Ancillary Relief hearing sooner rather than later and get the ball rolling. He then has to disclose everything finance wise. All bank accounts, pensions, properties, business interests, properties, OW's stuff. The ancillary relief takes a lot of time to progress.
My mediation failed to my ex been non negotiable at all, so it was ended half way through the second hearing by the mediator. It gets quite soul destroying, but you've just got to keep on the treadmill.
Good luck with it all.

Hi carlsberg71,

Thanks for your post. Have to say I am surprised as I genuinely thought OW's circumstances were irrelevant apart from perhaps housing needs. I can't see her being happy to have to give financial disclosure ( which I kind of understand ).

Yes he moved out of FMH a week after I found out ( not that I gave him a huge amount of choice, but I suppose it's still the one decent thing he's done ) but didn't move in with her for another 3 weeks as she had to get rid of her then live in partner beforehand- nice.

If this is the case he'll probably move out for a while then. Anything to make life difficult and avoid handing over money! Though he has accepted her address for the divorce petition and solicitors letters so who knows. I will think positive and give him credit before I am forced to do otherwise.

I really don't think all the OW assets come into it, after all they are not part of your marital pot.

I attended a final hearing last year which became another FDR, but that's another story, and the fact that my ex had been living with his GF in her 4 bed home and had been for 18 months wasn't even mentioned let alone taken into consideration.

It may be that they split the bills but her assets are hers and not his.

I'm speaking purely from my experience.

Thanks funny farm, I really appreciate all and any advice and experience as I am currently swimming sans armbands !

That's what I always assumed was the case, that it was irrelevant except perhaps when housing needs are considered if there isn't enough to re -house both of us. Ah well I am sure I'll find out somewhere along this process the rights and wrongs of my assumptions!!

So are you still waiting for your final hearing ?

OW finances won't come into it.

If you ask details your ex will probably say she refuses to give him details and a court is unlikely to order her to disclose.

Why not suggest you have house he has pension in payment and split the £140k?

Thanks Wyspecial,

To be honest I was going to suggest I have the house equity and he keeps both the savings and pension. I doubt he will even consider that so to ask for half the savings as well might be good as a negotiation point but unlikely to happen. This is the man who is seemingly happy to give us £836 a month, knowing I currently have no other income, and swan about with £2500 a month for himself. I am not expecting reasonableness from him.

Am I being naive ? I know I must sound like a broken record but I am not trying to be greedy or take everything. My kids have really been affected by the break up, my daughter especially, and the urgency for me is to get them settled in a new home. So we can all just move forwards without his having control over money.

He said when he left He 'would let' me have half the house and savings and when I pointed out we wouldn't be able to buy a house with this,he suggested we rented and then when the kids left home for university, I could go and buy a one bedroomed cottage by the sea !!!

I am going into mediation with very low expectations.......