Mediation

Hi there

Last night I had another load of verbal abuse from my STBE. We are still living under the same roof as i'm paying the mortgage.

He has in a way agreed to go for mediation as i'm currently in the process of making application to sort out financials in court. He doesn't want to do medition with me though.

He believes our house (joint names) is his and i'm not entitled to anything. I know for a fact that I am entitled to half the equity. He's not playing game at all.

Will meditation really help if he is hell bent on believing i'm not entitled to nothing and can't see sense?

Hi

The best thing to do is to arrange a meeting with a mediator on your own in the first instance to discuss how/whether mediation might be able to help. Then you can decide how best to get your STBE on board, if appropriate. First meetings are often free, and many mediation services can also assess you for legal aid: if you qualify, all the work done in mediation is free and (unlike with a solicitor) you don't have to pay the cost back afterwards. The mediator could also help to decide whether it's going to be appropriate to try mediation against a background of verbal abuse, etc. Mediators will also encourage people to take independent legal advice while mediation is going on: hopefully (assuming your STBE's solicitor is straight with him) this will pour some cold water on his idea that you're not entitled to anything. Good luck!

The problem is he hasn't got a solicitor and will also not get one. He is really deluded as if we could sort this tiny thing out we can apply for the absolute straight away.

My solicitor has contacted him asking him to co-operate and basically got a pretty rude reply back. So he has suggested the only way is via the courts - an option which myself and my solcitor didn't want to go but it seems the only route.

He really believes I should just pack my bags and leave for good and thats it. Bearing in mind its not me thats broken the marriage its him. All a bit odd and frustrating.

Well its frustrating for you so you might want to tell him about my friend who we'll call Pam (not her real name).

Her husband (Tim - also not his name) thought because she wanted a divorce that he wouldn't have to pay anything.

She told him he was wrong but he hired a solicitor who explained that Pam was entitled to 50% of all the assets - including the house and his pensions etc.

He sacked the solicitor and got the hump because the solicitor charged him anyway!

It went to court. The barrister acting for Pam tried to give Tim her offer about dividing the assets, but he refused to talk. So the judge said she (lady judge) hadn't got time to waste and it would go to another court hearing at which judge would recommend he pay the extra costs for these hearings as he was the one dragging things out.

At the FH, Pam got all she had asked for in the first place and Tim got to pay all the costs.

So he ended up worse than if he'd agreed to play ball, not to mention being given a dressing down by two different judges.

I'm really sorry that you're in this situation - unfortunately (though it doesn't help you) it's not uncommon for people to take the head-in-the-sand & you-walk-away-with-nothing approach. Frustrating isn't the word. All I can suggest is that sometimes getting someone like that to talk to a mediator can make the penny drop that divorce involves major financial decisions, and that they've got to put some sort of realistic proposal forward. Although mediators can't tell people what to do, they can make it plain that doing nothing isn't an option, and that one person keeping all the assets is not going to be acceptable to the court. They can also give people a realistic idea of what going to court will mean, and what the likely costs (financial and otherwise) will be. Sometimes, as I say, it will make the penny drop and there's then a realistic negotiation. I wish I could promise that will happen - I don't know your STBE - but it might be worth a try.

YL

How the finances are divided depends on lots of factors. 50:50 is a start point but not often the answer. ALL assets in sole and joint names are considered.

Have a look at www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Financ...cial-settlement.html

And if you want guidance about what a fair financial settlement could be, wikipeeps can help if you post some information:

Ages
Length of marriage + pre marriage cohab
Children - ages, genders and arrangements for them (nights with each parent)
Incomes (inc Tax credits etc if applicable)
FMH Value and outstanding mortgage + size of FMH
Value of other assets in sole of joint names - savings, shares, endowments
Pensions - CETVS
Liabilities in sole or joint names - loans, debts etc


Hadenoughnow

Do you know that is so refreshing to hear.
Well he's already accused my solicitor of being racist and my solicitor isn't! so it would be interesting to see how his behaviour would be in court.

I think its really beginning to frustrate me now, knowing if he co-operated it would all be over in a matter of weeks rather than months. I'm feeling more down but at the same time still strong to see this through.

How long can these court cases last? or is that a 'how long is a peice of string' question?!

I am keeping a diary of everything that happens and what he says. Will they be looked at by the judge? I hope so!

I'm scared of whats to come but I also know I should get my half share of the house as its in joint names and I am paying the mortgage with him not looking for work having walked out of the last one. I've got friends who are really supporting me but my family are over 200miles away so its hard.

I will tell him about this case but i'm sure it will fall on deaf ears as i'm 'trash' in his eyes.