some advice please

Im hoping someone will give me some advice as im at my witts end.
My ex and i parted two years ago and weve been living quite a distance apart since. My 13 year old daughter has not been attending school on and off for the past few weeks, my ex has unfortunatley been allowing her to stop over at a friends house on school nights which i think has added to the situation. My daughter now tells me that she is being sent to stay with her grandparents. I feel so angry, neither have i been kept informed of the situation or asked my opinion. Personally i think my daughter should be with one of her parents and i would gladly have her stop with me. Do i have any say or rights in this situation. please, please help me out here.

Welcome to Wikivorce.

Do you have PPR? (parental rights and responsibilities?)

These are defined as thus -


[1]A parent has the the following responsibilities to child -
(1) to safeguard and promote the child's health, development and welfare;
(2) to provide direction and guidance to the child in a manner appropriate the the stage of the child's development;
930 if the child is not living with the parent, to maintain personal relations and direct contact with the child on a regular basis; and
(4) to act as the child's legal representative.

In order to fulfil these responsibilities, a parent has the following rights:
(1) to have the child living with the parent or otherwise to regulate the child's residence
(2) to control, direct or guide the child's upbringing in a manner appropriate to the child's stage of development
(3) if the child doesn't not live with the parent, to maintain personal relations and direct contact with the child on a regular basis; and
(4) to act as the child's legal representative.

Parental rights end when a child reaches 16. Parental Responsibilities end at that age, except the responsibility to give a child guidance which lasts until a young person reaches 18.



Who has Parental Responsibilities and Rights?

A child's mother automatically has PRRs in relation to her child. Marital status and age are irrelevant.

A father automatically obtains PRRs in two situations -

1, where he was/is married to the child's mother at the date of conception or any time thereafter

2 - Where the father has not married the child's mother he will automatically obtain PRRs if he is registered as the child's father. This rule only applies on or after 4th May 2006, which is when the Family Law (Scotland) 2006 came into force.
Unmarried fathers registered prior to this date do not obtain automatic PRRs. However, PRRS can be obtained either by way of a formal agreement with the mother
or by making an application to the sheriff court or Court of Session under s 11 of the Children (Scotland) Act 1995

In any case, you should have been involved in the decision making. Where parents are in disagreement over thier children, family mediation (with or without the children being part of it) is often effective in reaching a satisfactory conclusion. Relationships Scotland offer such services. www.relationships-scotland.org.uk

Many thanks Rubytuesday, for pointing me in the right direction. Nothing has been sorted yet through lawyers or mediation, so was unsure where i stood. Im thankfully getting the boat tonight to Aberdeen and will be back with my children tmrw. My daughter does not want to go and stay with her grandparents, my heart is breaking as i feel the family has been split up enough and would hate to see it happen for a second time with the children. My daughter is 13 and i suppose pushing the boundaries, but i feel as parents the best thing to do is guide her and do our best to instill some ground rules. Thanks again for your input.

best wishes Barry

At 13, a Court would consider your daughter's wishes.

Mediation is a good first step forward, as often involving solicitors from the beginning can be somewhat antagonistic.

Hopefully this can be sorted without the involvement of sols, sometimes a little communication on all sides works better.

Can you keep us updated please?

yes, i will keep you updated. thx

Hi Barry

I hope things go well with your visit to your children. Try not to be too angry with your ex at this point, she may be struggling to manage at the moment and the grandparents may be her attempt at a solution. She may be struggling to admit to you that there are problems and feels it looks like she cant cope. Try to find the common ground in your discussions if you can - the best interests of your children; the challenges of parenting on your own at periods. If it gets tense say try to step back from conflict and tell your ex that you need to think about things and you want to be involved in the ideas about how best to make things work for your daughter.

Have a good trip and a lovely weekend.

Rasher

thx Rasher, for the wise advice. Your right, my daughters well being is of the utmost importance in this situation.

Ive tried to be involved as much as possible, but unfortunatley i feel very much out of the picture and feel this is right up my ex in-laws street. There's a bit of history there which i wont go into, but ill try and stay rational and sort it out in a diplomatic manner.

thx again.