I''m Done

So it''s taken a while but I have finally come to realise that all my efforts to try to build bridges with my STBX are not worth it.

I wanted to try to remain as friendly as possible and rebuild a friendship - partly to make up for how coldly I treated him in the past and partly because I am not one to like to have bad feelings.

However he basically rakes up the past continually and goes over and over and over everything that I did in the way I was cold toward him saying it was mental torture etc. I told him that it doesn''t matter how many times I apologise it won''t ever change it and I''m done with saying sorry because it makes no difference. I have tried to explain that I feel disgusted at my treatment of him but again it''s pointless as he is so angry and bitter I may as well talk to the wall!

He got very angry about the fact that through the divorce procedure I would be entitled to his pension stating I deserve f**k all for how I treated him and that I am a money grabbing monster....*sigh He doesn''t even remember what he says to me when he is in one of his rages and I get the gritted teeth and squaring up to me.

He is hypocritical in some of what he accuses me of as he is now doing the same and cannot see it, or rather refuses to.

I believe he is lying to me about things too and have almost proof but again it''s not worth it anymore.

So from here it''s basics - I will try to continue to be as nice as is necessary. I am not going to try to make any more efforts to build a relationship with him - although when I said this to him he went nuts saying I have to be patient!

I really don''t think we can move forward with our situation until we are both out of the house (please sell quickly!!) and away from each other for good.

I am very sad but at the same time I feel that I have turned a corner.

Glad you feel you''ve turned a corner. Since your encounters with him seem to involve him getting angry, I''d avoid encounters if possible. You don''t need his abuse and illogicality.

The only way I am surviving is through minimal contact, we meet half way to drop the children off. That is better for the children too.
You cannot get a blind man to see, write everything write it all, that was my outlet, I have many ungiven letters and emails, and just documenting the process, our behaviours, it helps and it helps to look back on, you may even find it useful. Look out for your health and learn about healthy boundaries. This process is this hardest thing I have ever done, it''s torn me too shreds, but I read other stories, I am not alone. Xx

Thanks Nell, thanks Berry xx

This process has been and still is a huge learning curve for me. I hav ups and downs naturally but I just keep thinking that I will take all I''ve experienced and put it towards a better life for the future.

Just wish I was a bit younger with a few less wrinkles