Why her not me?

Hi all, I haven''t posted for a long time and Declan, angieb, marshy- I need all your help and advice. My stbx has been in a long term relationship with a married granny who''s just one year younger than me and I''m 62! Also married! She''s ugly as hell, no sophistication whatsoever, and no need to compare but I know who and what I am and feel utterly dismayed at his choice. I would have thought he would go for a sexy blonde with legs upto here! As he used to put it, the idiot! I have a hundred why''s but I know he must have a maternal issue as he hated his mother and had terrible relationship with her all his life, she now passed away, but he never got on with her and hated her with a vengeance. We married out of love and I stood by him the best of 38 years! I for the life of me still don''t understand this. How could he be so stupid?

When my husband left me six weeks ago I asked him what he liked about his OW
HE said
She is attractive, interesting, dresses lovely and is a lovely person

I was gutted cus felt ugly and fat

Roll on to Mother''s Day

Went to mother in laws he was in there with his OW

IT was A SHOCK she was ugly as hell I felt like a film star in comparison
The next day he rang me I told him to get to spec savers
I haven''t felt as bad about that since.

What still bothers me is that he finds her interesting he says they talk about everything.
He never took any interest in me over the years never a compliment never chatted about stuff and I became resentful
But still would never have guessed in a million years he would have left me.

Yes, I must say I have ''cyber stalked'' the person my ex slept with and she is townie/ chavvy as hell... it does help when you see how awful they are. I have seen comments she puts on things and she is cheap to say the least.. Like other peopel have said, its just the gloss of something ''new'' with no ''baggage'' they really are just on the rebound and to be honest anyone that showed them half a bit of interest would do. My ex said as much, that he was on the path to self destruction and sleeping with her is just another bump in that road. When I first found out I was so upset thinking that she must be something amazing: I asked my ex and he looked completely flumoxed saying that the two of us weren''t even in the least but comprable, she was just a random shag and he married me. I guess men and women just see things differently, I thought if he was sleeping with her then he must have really liked her! At the end of the day they are welcome to one another, he made his bed (as did your ex) now they have to lie in it.

Well said honeybee I totally agree!

I''m just at the beginning of the hellish divorce process
Not a good day today.

So reading posts
Take care

honeybees wrote:

I guess men and women just see things differently, I thought if he was sleeping with her then he must have really liked her!

No. People see things differently. Men and women''s thinking is pretty much the same in my exp. But... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You dont see what others see and visa versa. A person is much more than a picture.

I wondered for years why my ex would chose a short fat hairy, bigot of a man. Ok I am no oil painting but WTF? But thats the point. Eye of the beholder. My ex saw something in him that she didnt see in me. Simple as. And I am nothing like her husband (now).

But this has nothing to do with you. If someone wants to trade down their life there is no stopping them. And nothing you could have done. It was meant to be. Marshy.

Thanks for your response Marshy, I guess in my case it was a matter of she could have been anybody, he admitted that it was just sex and latching onto anything after the breakup: the classic rebound. But everyone is different, in your instance it sounds as though she just liked who she liked and I mine he just wanted sex and companionship it wasn''t about her. In fact she was being used by him. I guess the situations / divorces are different: the similarities in both however is that they lost good people and have to live with the consequences.

In Runway Husbands, Vikki Stark says that the OW is usually younger, less attractive and less successful than the wife (same possibly applies for the runaway wives and their OM). It says more about their need to be adored by someone new than your intrinsic worth or attractiveness. I didn''t know whether to feel insulted or relieved that the OW in my case was a scatterbrained golddigger with stage makeup and mismatched clothes.