FA-FDR - I have lost everything

Can I just get clear on this business of signing or not signing the Consent Order at the FDR hearing?
I signed reluctantly at FDR because I believed if I didn't the whole deal fell through and in negotiating terms we were back at square 1 and heading for a Final Hearing. Are we saying that anything you agree verbally at FDR you have to stick to or it's contempt of court ? - or did DIY make some sort of special undertaking to the judge?
If I had said at the last minute - just about to sign the Consent Order - hang on I'm going away to think about - the Consent Order would still have stood even if my ex had then wanted to tear it up?
Is it absolutely safe not to sign the Consent Order at the FDR hearing because the judge has seen it and it's guaranteed?

Maggie,

Anything you agree verbally with the other party is written in the wind.

EVERYTHING you say to the court is important and if you agree to do something the court says then you have given an undertaking to the court and bowing out of it is liable to lead to a contempt of court.

I sounds as if DIY gave an undertaking to the court (ie the judge).

Maggie, if you had made no undertaking to the court to sign but agreed with xtb to sign a consnet order and then changed your mind, ther'd be no contempt of court and no consent order because xtb would have had nothing to submit!

Maggie wrote:
'Is it absolutely safe not to sign the Consent Order at the FDR hearing because the judge has seen it and it's guaranteed? ' - I don't understand. If you don't sign it, it can't be submitted and then the case goes to a final hearing.

YA

I was at court for my FDR and Consent Order, YA - although sometimes I do wonder- the way it happened was the barrister was late - we ran in to see the judge who said it would cost stacks of money not to agree today - barrister ran off to ex and came back and said ex wants £k from family home - I think OK write that down - lets see how it all pans out - off he goes again says he's willing to do £x SM - I write it down thinking OK lets see how it all hangs together - and so on through the list - I'm thinking OK at the end of this we'll discuss what kind of a deal it is overall - deal or no deal - the barrister has written it all down - we have an appointment to see the judge- in we go the barrister's reading out the list - I'm starting to get a bit worried - the judge is signing it - we are asked to sign it - it's a scruffy bit of paper - I'm thinking it's a first draft - we'll mull it over - edit it - cooling off period - no we don't, that's it - written in stone - Consent Order.
I've always kicked myself for signing there and then - as I thought losing my chance to take time to consider it - but now from this thread I see that once the judge has the draft - signed or not- your goose is cooked? Repent at leisure.

This sort of thing worries me a bit. We agreed a Separation Agreement legally to be turned into a consent order. Im told that stbx might change her mind at the time of drawing it up into a consent order Im keeping tight records at the moment as so far shes had 60k out of the pot, kept her high earnings from 'our' business but has handed over house to me. Of course handing over house to me just means that its in my side of the pot. Yep I keep assets but she keeps pensions etc and her business. So far shes complied with the agreement but had the cheek to say ''I thought I could trust you''. This is from someone who has now had 8 affairs I can name !!!!

Hi all,

Not wanting to add to the confusion here .. but in a discussion with a barrister recently about what happened at my FDR - when I was being bullied into agreeing something that I had not had a proper chance to think about .. and which fortunately my stbx would not accept because he wanted more .......... I was told that the reason they try to get you to sign the consent there and then is because people who go away from the court and have chance to think about what they have "agreed" to often change their minds.
This would seem to indicate to me that there is a big problems with FDR hearings ... how many people are there out there who have ended up caving in because they just wanted it all to stop? I know that is how I felt (I was even tempted to offer what stbx wanted just to make it stop - although goodness knows how I could have paid it)... It was only when I sat down and did the sums later, I realised quite how wrong that deal would have been. I guess I will only know for sure whether I am right about what is fair when my Final Hearing is completed next month ...

Perhaps we should do a survey .. maybe of people who have had agreement at FDR .. they could tell us their situation and figures and we could guess at the outcome .. and see if any of us get close .. And we could extend that to people who did not agree at FDR .. look at the situation, the FDR offer and compare with final hearing outcome .. now that would be an interesting exercise.

Hadenoughnow

The Court of Appeal decided that such an agreement, approved by the FDR judge, but not written down due to insufficient time on the day was an unperfected order of the court. That's an order of the court which need only be entered on the court record. Neither party could be released from an unperfected order and the purpose of the FDR would be lost if the parties were free to analyse and re-evaluate a crucial decision made at the FDR and to decide they had made the wrong choice.

Sorry to hear about your losses. You're not alone in this infair and unjust country we live in !!!I too lost everything, house, savings etc. That was 9 years ago and despite many court hearings, my ex gets £175 a month plus £550 for the CSA. She has poisoned my 2 kids against me, 17 and 15 respectively and have to live on whatever is left.
I don't have much of a life, purely because of her greed and unsympathetic and pathetic judges.

Hopefully it wont last forever, but it sure feels that way at the mo.

Keep your chin up mate and I'll do the same.

Boomer:(