FA-FDR - I have lost everything

Were you stitched up because you DIY ? I agree that as in most cases its the one who has the money who benefits the most and the one who frugally invested is the loser. Im left in the family home whilst she earns 4 times as much as me and it was her who ***** everything up with her affairs and paying her father over the odds for the family business which she now values very low. Keep posting as your experience may help others, even if its to point them in the right direction.

Polar,

i will keep posting, just because this is not nearly over.........lost the battle, but not the war!

DIY

Just wanted to add my support. Go for the FH. I have my FH tomorrow. This was pushed by my stbx who has not given us full financial disclosure, citing me throwing him out and changing the locks as the reason. He is self-repping and so far has paid zilch where as I have got sols/barristers costs. And he will not pay anything for tomorrow either. If he gets an adjournment or appeals any decision there is no guarantee that I can push any costs onto him.

Fight for everything you can. Everyone here is behind you

Mumof3

Yep I know how you feel. I feel as if Ive been stitched up. Probably all of my marriage by the sounds of it. Feels like I was 'used' to build up her business by supporting her till it started making money then as her sister was told ''he has done very well with our investments'' Yep I saved...she spent. Now shes on good money she can say '' Oh arn't I lucky I can do what I want as I dont have to be supported'' Stop me before I utter expletives.

DIY

I echo what the others have said .. in your situation I cannot see how a Final Hearing wd make things worse. Take comfort from the fact that you cannot have the same judge at FH as you did at FDR.

It seems odd that you were bounced into an FDR – had you any idea this was coming?? Are you satisfied that stbx has provided full financial disclosure? Did she acknowledge cohabitation? Had you prepared a questionnaire based on her form E?

Also I am confused by a few things in your list of finances – queries in blue below – most especially the equity in the FMH (who is living there?) and your monthly ‘lifestyle’ outgoings. Did you each provide an income needs schedule – please note this is NEEDS … not wants …

Can I suggest for all of us that you go back to some of the very basics – so we need to know respective ages, age of child, size of FMH, housing arrangements for you both etc as well as what you have told us – although clarification on the FMH equity wd be useful. Also you mention debts – has that been factored in?

Then we can look at your situation with fresh eyes and make some constructive suggestions about what may be a sensible settlement.

Hadenoughnow (see below)



General:
The length of the marriage was 10 years. – not long but not short

Income:
The wife's net monthly income is £3170. (and did you say she was cohabiting??)
The husband's net monthly income is £1500.

Children:
The number of children from the marriage is 1
Child 1 stays with wife for 5 nights per week and with husband for 2 nights per week.

Wife's Monthly Outgoings:
Essential outgoings: 540
Childcare outgoings: 625
Lifestyle outgoings: 2600 (this seems a lot ….. what does she do with all this??)

Husband's Monthly Outgoings:
Essential outgoings: 2010 (do I assume you are paying mortgage etc – why are your outgoings so very much higher than hers??
Childcare outgoings: 270 (is this what you pay her?? I don’t understand why there are childcare outgoings if you only have child 2 bnights a week)
Lifestyle outgoings: 1350 (Less than hers but still a lot – I reckon I spent less than 100 a month on what I would term “lifestyle” outgoings – ie yoga and rare trips to movies with kids)

Assets:
Joint matrimonial property:
- Savings valued at £24000 (What form are these in? And whose name?)
- Pension CETV valued at £11000 (whose?)
- Pension CETV valued at £1500 (whose?)
- Car(s) valued at £3000
- Car(s) valued at £1300
- Former matrimonial home valued at £2500 … do you mean 250,000?? What is the mortgage? How much equity is there?
Total : £43300

For some reason had, when you put in the calculator that you have kids and put in the number of nights the children spend with each parent it automatically puts in childcare cost.No idea why

DIY,

The facts as you present them would indicate a result totally at variance with the judge's comments at the FDR; whether you are a fit young man or not.

There is something unclear here.

In your shoes I would most certainly not agree to the split suggested by the judge:

1 It would crucify you,
2 Being a Consent Order you would have tremendous difficulty to appeal against it,
3 The judge's comment that you have not lost anything is out of order and suggests the judge was sitting when she should have been lying in bed with a hot-water bottle.

Fight on - it is your only real choice, but you'll have to pull the stops out! Get as many case results to support your arguments as you can.

Good luck!

((((((((((DIY))))))))))