CMA Issues

Hi
Recently joined here looking for advice and support really...
Separated from my ex husband 2 years ago in October.
We have been married for 7 years and have 4 children together.

Since then it has been a nightmare with him keeping arrangements and making payments to his children.

He refuses to see his youngest child, she was only 2 months old when he left, he has not paid anything towards her or seen her in nearly 2 years, she has no relationship with him what so ever.
He has also agreed with a solicitors to change her name once our divorce is finalized to my name.

He did agree to a family based arrangement regarding our other three children but that never stuck so I had to contact the CMA. Which he hated, they figured out an amount which he stuck to twice and now pays less than half that.
He says that if I want him to pay the full amount then he wont be able to have the children overnight at all (as they cost too much) or he will have to move back to his mother''s...
I feel stuck in a awful situation and I don''t know what to do..

My partner who has been in my life for years (he was a friend first) brings up my youngest daughter as his own, she''s never known another dad.
He says that I should just call for CMA to collect his arrears and make him pay his full amounts but then I''m worried that he wont see his children...

Its only one weekend a month but at least its something...

I don''t know what to do..

Advice please
I want the best for all my children even if they''re dad is a dead beat.

I would say contact the cma and collect the arrears - a parent should not be permitted to shirk their responsibility

It sounds like your current partner is a good role model for your kids and thats what they need.

Thank you for replying...

Do you think that would be the best option even if he''s saying if I collect the arrears or make him pay the full amount he said he would have to see them less or not at all?

That''s what I''m worried about...

My current partner is wonderful. I''m lucky I have the support.

It''s you that has to decide what to do as its you that has to live with the decision you make - but in my opinion he is manipulating you.

You say he is not sticking to arrangements for contact with his kids anyway.

My ex is also not paying and rarely sees his kids.

The initial action the cms take is to phone him and ask him why he''s not paying.

Good luck whatever path you choose

I know he''s manipulating me, but I don''t want to make the wrong decision and then the children hate me for it....

The CMS have rung him and explained the arrears he gives them some response about how he can''t afford and then rants to me about it :/

I''m sorry about your situation


xxx

Its not your responsibility to make sure your ex has a good relationship with his kids - it''s his responsibility.

It''s also his responsibility to pay for his kids - I think the formula for payment now is pretty fair.

A guy I work with told me he''s happy to pay what the cms ask and thinks it''s cheap compared to the cost of keeping a child. Not all guys complain and moan about their responsibility.

Kids are not daft. They won''t blame you if their dad doesn''t step up and take care of them - I have personal experience of this

Hi
Really contact and CMA should be separate, unfortunately the system is not quite set up that way.
There are two important points, both parents have a financial responsibility to provide for their children, for NRPs this is often by the CMA. The money paid for the children is exactly that it is for their benefit and you have a responsibility to your children to ensure it is paid.
You also have a responsibility to your children to facilitate a relationship with their father, but that does not mean you should be bullied into accepting unreasonable conditions. If you have made the children available for contact then your responsibility has been met.

LB