urgent

son was with dad on wed. when he returned he was abusive towards my parents who are not even in this country. I and daughter ignored him for a while but then daughter told him off a bit and then he went upstairs and threw daughters earrings in toilet. When I found out I got upset I took his ps3 away because he threw her earrings in toilet and it was past midninght he had to go school the next day.
He pushed me around and then he called his dad saying I punched him
Dad told him its late and go to bed it was now 1 am
He didnt go with me school but walked in the morning and had not returned from school.I called his friend and spoke to elder son if he is at dads he is not there
I have just called the police. I know he is uusually sent to ex,s brother in laws house which is a location not known to me and I am worried about him.
Ithe brother inlaw has an obligation to let me know that son is with him
they train him to make allegations of abuse which is even more worrying

Hello,

It sounds as though you have an out of control 12 yr old who needs a lesson in manners and respect.

My son is 13 and I would be shocked if he behaved in this way.

I can only worry for you and say how frightful this situation is. It is also dangerous for a child so young to be out so late when no-one seems to know where he is and what he's doing.

You must take control of this situation. Your sons behaviour is unacceptable, regardless of circumstances, and he is old enough to know better.

He is disrespectful to you, your daughter and your parents. Is he also disrespectful to teachers and classmates? Is his father rewarding this bad behaviour? Have you talked to him and told him that this is unacceptable?

It sounds as though he does not accept rules or regulations or any form of discipline you lay down. Have you asked him if he wants to live with his father? Does he respect his father? If he wants to be with Dad then it might be in his best interests to live with Dad.

If you think this is some plot hatched up by your Ex in order to use your son to make your life hell so that your son ends up living with his father, gets residence and the house, then stand your ground and support your daughter and contact everyone necessary who can help and support you.

If you believe that your son is being brainwashed and tutored by your Ex and his family then this is serious and is a child welfare issue.

You should keep a diary of what happens, times and dates and any witnesses. If behaviour escalates to violence try and record it using a mobile phone if necessary. Bad language is also abuse so note it down. This child is in free fall and desperately needs help.

With much concern,

S x

I can only agree. I feel for you so much. It sounds like your son is a very angry young soul. I really think having read your other posts that you need the intervention of the professionals - be it health or educational. He is playing you against his father or rather being played by his father. Your daughter is obviously settled but your son sounds troubled. As previous post it sounds like he is on a slippery slope.

You also need some support - you sound under an immense amount of stress and understandably.

I feel for you and him. Please speak to your doctor and his school in the first instance.

Thoughts and prayers with you

Jess x

Thank you so much for your posts. Im in tears you guys got it spot on! I ussually feel very hard to express myself I like computer because it gives me time to think I worry to speak face to face with police , lawyers judge etc I loose words and pple may think I am guilty because I take so long to choose the right word. Englis not my first language. Yes ex using son against me for 2 yrs because these things he wants to do himself. he wants to see me hurt, in pain or even dead! he knows I love my 12 yr old the most and he is trying to take him away from me I will feel completely lost without my children. Its very hard because i dint have my family here my children were my life n soul!!
There will be a pychiatrist seeing son in April but i feel ex has already done so much damage in 2 yrs I wonder if my son will ever love me again
son definately needs to learn manners and discipline
I dont have any control everytime I even raise my voice he gets hyper then I get to deal with police. I am grateful that one officer realised that this is utter nonsense! and did not charge me
son has at some point been defiant to teachers. he was rude to one boy in class before holidays my son felt bad and gave him £10 as compensation because son was named n shamed in class the teacher let me know
my son is definately being brainwashed against me. I know this because son loved me from 2004-2007 when his father was in prison. suddenly when I filed for divorce in 08 he started to make these allegations and spent more time at his aunties house
I am keeping a diary and every now and then I email it to my sol.
I appreciate all your support!

I called police at 7:30 after checking with his friends and elder son. the police said somebody will come round.
At 8:10 pm police called me to let me know that son was at police station with his father again claiming that I punched him. The police said they have to let him stay with father for tonight and I should contact my solicitor.
she added seems like there will be more investigation and it may be that they outcome will be similar to last time.
last times police report read
(seems like dad is using olice to further his case:P )

My first instinct would be to say to let him go to live with his father and call his bluff. He will soon be back to you when his father realises that you don't want to play his games any more. It sounds like he is being used to hurt you but the main loser is your son.

But then upon thinking about it further, your son is being damaged by your husband so it is not a good idea. I feel so much for you because of the hurt you and your son are going through and I don't think there is a right answer. Maybe you will have to rely on the professionals to deal with it as heartbreaking as it is, in my humble opinion, you just don't have any choice.

Zonked usually has very useful guidance to offer as far as children are concerned, hopefully he will follow up later.

I wish you all the best

Oh honey this situation is way out of control.

As you do not speak English so well I would advise you to contact a helpline in the UK that speaks your language and is in your nationality.

I am not permitted to ask what nationality you are and it really makes no difference to me anyway, but to you it would be comforting to talk to someone who can mediate/interpret with the welfare organisations on your behalf.

You have a very mixed up little boy there, and although he may not know it, he still needs you and loves you.

For now be comforted that he is safe. Tomorrow you need to seek help and guidance. I do not know you so can not point you in the right direction. If you need my English skills please PM me and I will check the web and try and get you to a site that can help you.

I don't know what else to suggest. Be brave and hang in there.

Love S x