STBX farming out the children

This is probably a silly and petty question that I think I know the answer to, but here goes.....my stbx is trying to control all aspects of my life as best she can, one is to count up the number of days I have my daughter in emails so I do not move into the 2/7 band for child maintenance. So she restricts my days for that reason. However, she is away most weekends, has been on a 10 day holiday, 2 x 4 day camping trips and takes every opportunity she can to be away and leaves my daughter with her mother. No doubt this has no bearing on child maintenance or any legal aspects?, at this rate in terms of how many nights we actually have my daughter we are probably not far off shared care even though I only have her one day at the weekend and additional times at holidays, ie all of next week and weekend.

Clutching at straws as usual but it is galling to be asked to account for where I am taking her etc and how often I have her only to find she is palming her off as much as possible.

I have to add this is not discussed with my daughter and she is a happy girl, its not an issue I involve her with.

No doubt this has no bearing on child maintenance

No, it doesn''t, I''m afraid. CM is blunt - it''s calculated on what you earn and how many nights your daughter is with you. Your ex could be a multi-millionaire and you would still have to pay CM.

I can understand your frustrations, but focusing on what your ex is doing is only going to cause more frustration and bitterness. From a legal POV, your ex can delegate PR to a third party on a temporary basis, and also decide who can look after your daughter during her time. If she is going away on a break, then making arrangements for daughter to stay with a grandparent is fine. You could suggest that you are happy to have daughter when she is away on breaks, although she may not what you to know what she is doing, and what is happening in her life.

You are under no legal obligation to provide your ex with a minute-by-minute account of what you are doing, where and with whom when you have your daughter.

Thank you that is is a useful answer, particularly the last bit.

Not being obliged to tell her my projected movements with my daughter means I can retain the same level of discretion with my life.

You are exactly right, she wants to know what I am doing and control where she can but is very secretive about what she is doing in hers. I do not want to know hers, so it is good that I am not obliged to tell her about mine with my daughter either.

Thanks again.

However, if she is being difficult, and insisting on know what your plans or movements are, just tell her the bare facts - we went to the beach, we went swimming, etc. What you don''t want to do is start mirroring her behaviour, and ending up with an even more conflicted situation.

Understood, I prefer to be open and honest about all issues, but as you say when you only see almost zero communication, and no openness from the other side it does make me want to mimic that......i will continue to be reasonable