Why should we continue?

HI,
My husband is a loving father of his 2 boys from his previous marriage as well as we are expecting our new born baby within 4 weeks. Unfortunately the situation with his ex is not brilliant and he is in and out of court last year to sort out reasonable contact time with his children. Currently we see them only 2 nights every other weekend which is nothing. as well as we travel over 200 miles these weeks to collect and return the kids to her house, take the boys to their football training and matches which is in another county...so on so on..but we do it for the boys as we dont want to punish them..with this travel the quality time with their father and grandparents and other family members are nearly ZERO...i can write a war and peace about the issues but just sick and tired to go on and on about it..it poision everybodies life..kids are distressed...everybody suffers...
we are loving and caring people who want the best for the children...but after 4 years ping pong match with the ex you will feel...does it worth it?
we are back to court with her again within a week to review the situation but the nearly 80 years old judge dont have a scooby doo about life...anyway we feel like that...the system is bad..and i was very polite with this expression..we feel hopeless and as hard we would like to help the boys to see us more which they want as well..we dont see it happen..what do you suggest...here i am 3 am in the morning upset about the situation..
look forward to your replies.
thanks
sorry about the mistakes this early morning

upsetstep wrote:

Currently we see them only 2 nights every other weekend which is nothing.

Your idea of nothing is a lot more than the real nothing some parents experience.

Regards your question "why should we continue"...IMHO you should continue because every child is entitled to contact with both parents unless their are incriminating/harmful grounds.

Elle x

Hi upset,

I can understand your frustration and anger,
But look at it this way.
When your baby is born wouldn't you like to have it's father there for him/her at any cost?,
I would hope so.

The thing is that whatever the circumstances here the boys are not to blame, they just want to see thier dad.
I know all the travelling can be a pain as I reguarly travelled 600 round miles to see my daughter for just 2 hours and would gladly travel twice as far to see her for 10 mins if I had to.

Two night everyother weekend may seem like nothing but I can assure you there are literally thousands of people in this country alone who would gladly give anything for even half of that time with thier children.

To give up on these boys would be an Absolute shame and they would most definately be worse off for it.

I know it's a struggle but it's one which is definately worth sticking with.
I hope things improve for you and your family,
Best wishes,
Tom.

Have you and your husband considered moving closer to them?

Sounds a bit strange to ask the question of whether to continue Contact with the Father's other children when you are just about to have your own child... Is it perhaps because you don't want him to have any further Contact to his children because of this?

HI
Thank you for the replies. I am sure we all had hopeless days and when the other party makes you angry it is difficult to see the pink clouds - mainly 2.40 am:)

Personally I feel the system let us down as well as when the other party forget that reasonable contact time is necessary for the children sake.

Tom333 all my respect is yours that you do the "big journey" to see your daugther.

The point is not that we would like to give up on the boys, but after 4 years "flighting over a contact time what actually the boys wants but the ex will do anything to make sure the contact time will not increase - you would be sure whether it good to countiue as methally damage everybody who gets involved.

not mentioning the cost of solicitors ect.
i m always joking that the boys university could be paid by now if both of us would save the money for them instead of spending it for legal cost.
other thing when you only spend small amount of time with your children you cannot put your mark on them. it is difficut to build the respect, trust ect..
it breaks your heart to see them fail at school, football ect.

i am sure all of us could write war and peace of stories of the ex contra contact time. i am pretty sure if i would write a book about the last 4 years actions it would be best seller..
AGain sorry about my English...not being English origin sometimes i make mistakes!

Moving closer would not solve the contact time issue...and the mother changed house 3 times in 3 years anyway...so to give up our stability and play the same gypsy life..mmm..i dont think it is the solution.