Short Asian Marriage - Husband took my jewellery

I don't know the value of these items - but I'm with Elle in being surprised.

If I received wedding gifts from my husband's family, and then chose to leave the marriage after a short time, I'd be cool with leaving the gifts with them - particularly if I was keeping what my family had given for the marriage. In fact, if I was only married a short time, I'd feel obligated to consider returning gifts to everyone who'd given them. I'm not suggesting you should stay in the marriage if he's turned out to be horrible, but why are you so invested in keeping gifts from a marriage you no longer want?

Of course I appreciate there may be a cultural context to all this that I don't really understand. But to me, I'm not sure the stress and hassle would be worth it.

Yes I was intrigued too, the marriage jewellery issue is something I too would like explained. Come on girls, we are culturally in the dark here - enlighten us to the significance of the marriage gold/jewellery in an Asian wedding and why its loss is so devastating please.

Well from what I read out of the OP words, she kept jewellery given to her by her own family. The husbands family jewellery gifts to her have been retained by the husband as have the husbands gifts of jewellery or items of equal value given by the brides family been retained by the husband.

So I would surmise that in Asian weddings gifts are given individually to both bride and groom as individual gifts. Now either they all go into the pot for division or not. In this instance husband has kept all of his gifts of value from the wife's family and those that were given to the wife from his family.

Its not entirely a fair division is it. Either they all go into the pot for division of assets or each keeps their respective gifts??

From my experience of Asian couples dowry and wedding jewellery often amounts to a fair sum of cash. In this instance the op's husband seems to have kept more of his fair share of jewellery and chosen not to disclose as assets of his form E.

Hi
Not sure if all would agree with me...But basically in the asian culture I belong to the girls donot get an inheritance at all- its always the boys who inherit. the idea of the dowry was to give the daughters (the girls of the family) their inheritance at the time of their marriages- as this was when they would most need the money (i.e.to start their own lifes & for their future).
As not everyone is rich enough to be given cash- the dowry contains family gold passed on from one generation to another. Its often maternal gold passed on. Sometimes' its given with the intention that the family the girl is marrying into will treat her well and respectful. So when the dowry (i.e. gold jewellery) is not returned, it is quite emotional issue. I have known families where girl's have got married and their gold gifts were used to fund their husband's sister's marriages.
Asian families always gave gold so that in hard times the girls' had something to fall back on as security.
R

Yes, agree with reiner4's synopsis of how the dowry system supposedly originated. However I would not say that giving jewellery is a dowry, more a custom.

Wedding jewellery is a big thing in asian (certainly indian) weddings.

Personally I think this is historical, from when jewellery was probably about the only source of the family's wealth and the one significant asset that the bride could claim as her own. In present day context, I don't think is financially significant, though for women it seems to matter a lot, more sentimental I think.

A bride would typically get a 22ct set (necklace, earrings, bangles) from her parents, her maternal uncles and the groom's family, each worth probably £1500 each. There would also be a wedding necklace from the groom; also a bracelet or watch strap from the bride. Wedding rings as well. Maybe some gold gifts for the groom's family.

So say the whole gold thing totals £6K, maybe £10K, with a third of the cost borne by the groom.

So yes, maybe worth a bit of a fight, but hardly something worth spending your lifetime over on. But I think (asian) women dont see it this way - in cold figures.

The total cost of the wedding incl the gold would be about £30-40K.

The figures obviously vary.

Very true colours. Giving jewellery is a custom. People seem to misunderstand the dowry/custom thing.

I'm indian and in my family do not work on the old fashioned dowry traditions so I've never actually understood that.

When I got married, yes, my parent gave me jewellery and also gave the ex and his parents jewellery as a gift. As soon as I was married the mother-in-law took away the s and jewellery my parents had given to me and placed it in their family's deposit bank account.

after the ex and I split up he didn't give any of the jewellery that belong to me back and I had to fight for a long time in order for him to see sense and give back the jewellery that belonged to me as well as the jewellery gifts given to him and his parents from my parents and visa vesa.

Alpa, my heart sank reading your post. I'm not Asian but I married and eventually divorced my Indian ex about 4 years ago. As soon as we married, his mother and he both insisted in putting the gold I had received and that I have bought for my wedding and the one I had from when I had my own religion rituals in the family deposit box. Ever since I did not see the gold once. Not even when we had other weddings to go to. I used custom jewelry.

About 4 months ago upon my mum's insistence, I contacted my husband to get my jewellery back. Mind you: I am not fussed about having the gifts back, as I do understand if the gift giver wants it back. I am fussed about the gold I was forced to buy for my wedding and for the gold that I received as a little child when I had my own religion rituals. Which I think is fair enough. Well, he's stalling, taking two weeks to reply to my emails (I would not talk to him)and he eventually said he was away, did not have time, he did not realise that I needed it urgently, blah blah blah, when I know he reads the emails pretty straight away.

I was trying to find excuses for him, like, he's busy, or he's away for work, but reading your post, I think it fits perfectly what you said and because it was me that left him I think he wants to annoy me. My question is though: what is he going to do with what was mine in the first place? I am not giving up just yet though.